Dive

My soul and my eyes are the lyrics,
Holding me to the new,
Forgetting the old,
Missing all the hysterics,
Warming the cold,
If I open up and sing to you,
Would you sing with me?
Or ignore the truth?
I'm the problem,
I'm the solution,
You're the plot,
Hidden in the rising action,
If I danced on the rooftops,
And then learned to fly,
Would you try to stop me,
From taking the dive?
If I sung my glory to the moon,
What do you think she'd do?
I'm in the ocean spray,
The blowing wind whipping across your face,
Reminding you of the old days,
Tonight you're nothing without me,
So I'll dance on the rooftops,
I'll learn to fly,
All I ask is that you let me dive

Acid of our music

I'm simmering my wounds in the acid of our music,
Bleeding out all the lyrics,
Missing the good times,
The way the tear shines,
As it rolls down my cheek,
And hits my feet,
The melody hits me,
Listening to the way you used to sing,
Hating that you stopped because of me,
Hating the girl that I won't ever be,
The one that you wanted so badly,
Now I'm swinging at the park so sadly,
Smelling the rain on the horizon,
Blocking out the rays of the sun,
I'm simmering my wounds in the acid of our music,
Bleeding out the lyrics,
They touch back down,
Causing my mind to spin around,
Thoughts like bullets,
Can't listen to it,
I turn it off and walk away,
Thinking of all the things I wanted to say,
Can't believe it hurts like this,
You'll be my last dying wish,
Can't believe I'm supposed to live through this,
You're the target that I missed,
Now I'm wandering down this path,
Feeling so terrifically trapt,
Knowing that my cadge,
Is the only thing that will get me through the day,
I'm putting up barriers,
Trying to keep out the hurt,
I'm simmering my wounds in the acid of our music,
Bleeding out all the lyrics,
I won't forget your voice,
But surly I'll regret my choice,
Wishing this ended in a different way,
Wish I had asked you to stay,
I'm simmering my wounds in the acid of our music,
Bleeding out all the lyrics
-Staci Lyn

Odd one out

You're the odd one out,
Like you don't belong in the crowd,
And you had me honestly believe,
That you were the right one for me,
Too bad it turned out to be,
Such a tragedy,
You don't get to see the tears I cry,
I loved you but life was going to pass me by,
Now we're standing outside of the school,
And you're causing me to feel like such a tool,
Go ahead and try to hear me now,
Too bad my words have already left town,
It really was an honest mistake,
That is causing us so much heartbreak,
No, I don't want your apology,
I couldn't tell you how little it means to me,
You're wondering why you haven't heard me speak today,
But that's because I have just too much to say,
I've got my eyes on the crowd,
On one who won't turn me down,
All I have to do is wait and see,
What this friendship will turn out to be,
This sick silence is going to kill me now,
Please just try to lay your weapons down,
I promise to take my armor off,
And I'll try to be soft,
But I doubt you'll honestly believe,
That the girl you will see is the actual me,
Go on thinking what you want,
Truth is truth written in any font,
Even God says I am worth more than any ruby,
Yet you continue to walk all over me,
You pull me off my sweet cloud,
And hurl me towards the rock hard ground,
That's the reason I no longer let you see,
The girl I am, the girl I was, and the woman I aspire to be

Living today

Today I sit and think about the past,
Flooded with blurred memories,
Missing moments that have long come and gone,
Wishing I could step back in time,
And remember the warmth of you,
Yesterday I dreamed only of the future,
Looking forward to what can be and not what it,
I ignored the life going on around me,
Now I regret not paying attention,
Wanting to step through time's window,
And try it all again,
Fortunately God gave life no rewind button,
I can now focus on today,
Live in every moment like it was meant to ve,
Like every moment is tailored specially for me,
Tomorrow I will live in the light,
Ignore the tender emrcy of God not more,
I am at home in the moment,
And I can travel briefly to the past,
But I will no longer live there,
I am now living to make things last,
I am living to do thy Lord's will,
For that I am thankful,
For that I am humble,
Because I know it will help me to see Him again

Falling Star

Today I fell in love with a falling star,
 He hurt me when he fell into my heart so hard,
Dropping into my life like a hook on an anchor,
Filling me with so much love my heart is in danger,
I became lost in his eyes,
Not questioning that he fell from the skies,
 No need to play the flirting game,
 Not caring about from where he came,
He is an angel to me,
 And isn't that what love should be?
 He likes me for what is on the inside,
He's teaching me there is no reason to hide,
No I do not think he is the one for me,
 But it is far too soon to see,
I live for this moment with him in my heart,
 Not seeing an end but loving the start,
Yes, I fell in love with a falling star,
I have fallen for him so very hard,
He brings a smile to my face,
I love the way he can keep up with my pace,
The way he makes me feel,
Please let this all be real,
No tears today in my eyes,
As I watch him return to the blue skies,
Having learned a memorable lesson,
Thanking God for such a blessin',
He will always be my fallen star,
But now it is time for him to return to the place so far,
He belongs next to Mother moon,
Can't wait to see him again real soon,
Goodbye for now my fallen star,
Here I keep my heart for you saved in a glass jar,
Until the day you come again to see me,
You, and only you still hold my heart's key

Risky me

Sick of watchin' life pass me by,
Sick of pretending everything is goin' fine,
Want to reach out and snatch it,
Not strong enough to hold and handle it,
Thought today was different than the last,
Life is spinning by so incomprehensibly fast,
Got to take it and handle it,
Keep speeding by so quick,
Is it that I'm not strong, or smart, or pretty,
Kate lookin' in the mirror and being afraid to see,
Who is that blonde beauty?
No way that girl is the real me,
Hatin' that they see only who I pretend to be,
Bein' me seems to be life's grand key,
Question is, who made the lock?
No body knows all the strength I keep in stalk,
Who is going to grow the seed?
How much do I have to bleed?
His beautiful sparkling diamond eyes,
No idea how to reach me, no matter how hard he tries,
I am cold hard steal,
Unable to feel,
Too fake to breathe,
Too surreal to see,
Sick of listenin to idiots talk,
Watchin' them strutting down the block,
Where do I go from here?
I'm left without a reason to fear,
When death comes to steal all time,
I'll let him take all of mine,
My destiny was always my hidden lifeline,
When it comes to an end I'll be just fine,
For this is the way God intended it to be,
Baby please don't cry for me,
This life is mine to hold,
The reason I am so risky and bold,
Don't forget there are times when you need to give in and fold,
And I will always be your blanket when life gets cold,
I am risky and open,
I am blind to the thoughtlessness of the broken,
This is the time you simpley cannot forget,
There is a reason we met,
Our paths crossed for a reason,
At the time of our meetin',
Now it is time to say goodbye,
TIme to leave the cards where they lie.

Doomed to Love

Doomed to Love

Written by Staci Lyn and Cadmus Natori.

Him:

Warning, my thoughts are open.
In life, I see people happy together and ask myself, Why not me?
My mind often turns to things of paranoia and doubt,
As I fight against myself each day, and still I don't know why.
I have lost myself. 
I know not who I am. 
This is my burden,
I almost fare to hope for what I know I can't have;
Could never have even if it were offered to me directly.
If you knew my heart,
You would never have known.
And still I live a hollow life.
My web spun of lies and doubt. 
Fearing that any man might find a glimpse of my soul.
Mind me not, for who am I,
Who you thought you knew, but a mask,
Emotion carved artificially into my face as though by hand of some unknown puppet master, 
Once recognizable as myself,
Now simply a shadow.
Forced to live as though nothing is wrong,

as I slip slowly away into darkness.
Who am I to deny the human heart of its need to create,
Or of its lust to destroy?
Who are we as a whole? 
We who defy nothing, But would enslave ourselves or our loved ones at the sound of two coins, One against the other,
Pounding out the death of all humanity. 
One by one as we begin to turn one another, until one is left
In his right hand a sword. 
In his left, a bag of useless gain.
Full of hopeless victory.

Me:

I love you with hate, 
Hate you with love.
Passion is a rock castle,
pride a wounded love, 
Moving through as a river of blood, 
Bonding that which cannot be bound, 
And deafening all sound, 
Dragged by a merciless love, 
Freed by passionate hate,
Struck down with injustice,
Suffocated with righteousness, 
Forever to hold light, 
But never to keep life.

Him:

If only blood were only as a river. 
That it came from the ground and returned thence,
If only the blood were not of my hands,
Of my heart.

Me:

Swift as a knife,
Soft as a sound,
keeping pace with it all,
Risen only to fall, 
Dear brother, what am I?
A monster bound,
Of an angel fallen to ground?
If thine blood were spilled,
Spilled also is mine,
To care is to fear,
To fear is to hide from what is there,
Hence love is obtained only through spilled blood,
Wounded and weary,
Freakish and eery, 
Lost is the tide, 
Sent running to hide, 
Love is mine own, 
As your heart is my home.

Him:

Those doomed to die,
Are those most fortunate,
For I am doomed to live,
To repeat my sins until the end of time,
Like and Eldritch spectator,
Wandering,
Never able to right the wrongs,
Or stop the pain I cause,
Doomed to love,
Not even in death do I find solace,
For in death await those whom I have murdered, thought,
Those who haunt my living death,
My waking sleep,
But is the night good that o'erlooks the dawn of judgement?
When looking down on he who is guiltless and still must die,

Can you call it a good night for he who must swing the sword?
That is the life I live, 
This is the path I wander,
And I must wander alone,

Me:

So foolishly sublime,
Forever alone is inconceivable,
As wondering alone is not feasible,
Dear sir, thou are wrong,
And such knowledge will take you long,
Art thou blinded by fear?
For the reason we are here?
Family is our goal,
But you are still yet a little foul,
Yet to learn the rules of life,
Stupidity sharp as a knife,

Him:

If only it were as simple as a game of searching,
What fair maiden could look upon a beast,
Such as the one staring through the looking glass at me,
And still find strength to speak?
Nay, I testify that each one must invariably turn and fly,
Before the foreboding foe's face,

Me:

Remember,
Remember,
Family is forever,
Not today or the marrow,
Should thou be with sorrow, 
Still emerging from a cocoon,
Nay, a babe still sleeping in the noon,

Him:

But I must yet hide myself away,
In hope of not harming the one I love,
She who detests my very existence,
Yet still she for whom I would die for,

Me:

Woman a creature of love and passion,
Too frail to hold,
Yet too strong to flee,
For no beast is thee,
A kitten trying to roar,
Is nay more scary than a moving door,
No woman who is meant for you,
Can ever fight loving as they do,
Love is the beast,
Far too strong to defeat,
So warm to hold,
Innocent, yet bold,

Him:

Love is the only poison that does not kill,
But instead captures,
They are taunting lures that catch the ones who seek them not,

Me:

Thy fears are nigh, 
Thy sight is blind,
You fear a creature you cannot understand,
Of such is the ignorance of man,
Hungry is the fish on the lure,
Or caught it is not,
Lusting for the bait,
Too blind to wait,
Puzzle it through,
Or so easy it is to catch one that is you,

Him:

The pain of he who harms others is more bitter,
Than the pain of he who has been harmed,
No life could be cheaper that the one of a man who knows his fate,
He who knows what life brings and still cannot escape,
He who wishes not to be caught must starve,
Or begin to see,

Me:

Angry is the bear,
Foolishly caught in the hunter's harsh snare?
Foolish not is the hunter,
For all the food he does plunder?

Him:

But in life there are always cubs,
Left to die for naught,
But for the bellies of one man,
And one bear.

Me:

Living is learning,
Stupidity is refusing the gift of seeing,
The hero gets the girl,
For did he not just save her world?
Life has rules,
Knowledge gives tools,
Pain gives experience,
Wounds wrought of injustice's barbed fence,

Him:

Why must man plunder his wages?
Can he not see the ones he has butchered,
Laying in his wake?
Life has rules, 
But I've yet to see the book,
If life is such a game,
Who is playing?
Is it you or I?
Is it those who sit quietly behind dead stars,
And broken wishes?
Until it is their turn to use all as their pieces?

Me:

Boy dear boy,
Does thou not think love a ploy?
Wrought only to ensnare and employ?
What is wrong with his wake?
For all the work, him did it take?
Bear would eat him if he not brought her down,
Or in his blood she would leave him to drown,

Him:

But who's to say he does not deserve to die?
He who steals from himself and calls it gain?
Who judges him but himself?

Me:

Oh how cruel thy heart!
Did you not want to keep what thou find?
Lies! Lies!
If thou does deny,
Giving all you have,
Is letting one take all,
Did you not say such was bad?
Why should it be you or I who is to fall?
Who decides who gets all?

Him:

If this game of life,
Has a victor,
Be it the lover,
Or she who slowly drags him beneath the water,
Laughing as he drowns?

Me:

Keeping what you've got,
And defending what you've wrought, 
Who is to say she is dragging him down?
Instead of trying to stop him of drown,
What is if is her sobbing,
Not cruel laughing?
Defeated thou art,
Right from the very start,
For truth trumps all,
Leaving deaf fools to fall,
For if you ignore her,
Struck you are with her sharp poisoned burr,

Him:

The clock keeps ticking,
On and on it goes,
I have seen its end,
And yet none I can tell,
But the mistress of the sea is cunning,
As those on their ship see her save him,
As he fights against chains of false love,
Love is ignorance,

Ignorance while swimming is death,

Me:

The stars may fade,
Giving light to new day,
The moon may fall,
To give the sun shine above all,
Envy not their cruel beauty,
For it is beauty all around to see,

Him:

Men cannot see,
Yet still the sailors sense that there was more blindness,
Than love could bring in the waves that night,
Stars do not fade,
They die quickly and violently,
Ripping apart planets,
Such as she ripped out my heart,

Me:

If ripped is your heart,
Then your soul bitter and tart!
It is not her who tore,
But you, standing at sea shore,
For you let it be,
You who gave way to misery!
Where is your fight, your zest for life?
Men say fair maiden is theirs to lay,
But who gives them such claim?
She is not property,
Just as they try to claim the sea,
No right to touch or hold,
But story after story is told,
Heartless lies,
Sharp as knives,
So why can't she claim as they?
And instead of give,
Why cannot she take?

Him:

The sea takes all,
With no heart it breaks ships and devours,
Sparing none,
Them why do I ache?
How her memory haunts me!
What is life if I cannot have her?
Because she has not memory of me,

Me:

Lean to swim dear child,
And she will be mild,
Go to sink,
And she will not for give you your drink,
Of salty sea,
Ignorant stupidity,
Pain is a teacher,
Getting harder and harder,
So you may learn your end,
Pain is no enemy, nor friend,

Him:

If I must drink I shall,
To thee I drink,
She is fair, but foul,
Who is beautiful, yet beastly,
I drink to thee, and die,
But after I die, 
Know that I remembered you in my parting,
Though thou hast forgotten me,
Goodbye and never more,

Me:

Goodbye, goodbye,
Forgotten you have not I,
Moved to escape my pain,
Memory of you in my heart lain,
Goodbye goodbye,
Fault thy not at thou sweetly die,
And so must I,
Goodbye goodbye.

lessons of the woods

Now that I am standing on this still ridge,
Like the walk into the sky is this bridge,
I realize that life goes by so fast,
And how love doesn't always last,
I think of everything I've done,
And everyone who has gone,
All the memories I have lost along the journey,
If only they were still there for me to see,
The sun begins to set and I am left alone watching the stars wake,
Thinking of the effort them it must take,
Somewhere in the distance a wolf cries to her mother moon,
Her soft moan fills me with regretful pain, an abusive gloom,
I can't help but miss what once was,
And all of my lost loves,
As I look into a black night,
Keeping the tears back is a fight,
The woods are alive with the memories of tomorrow,
Finally I give into my soul's sorrow,
Tonight I will sit and cry,
For all those who have said goodbye,
For all that I have missed,
All that I have only wished,
And all that I have not done,
Instead I just moved on,
A cricket chirps nearby,
Telling his story to the distant stars,
He says he had to travel so far,
Filling my heart with the dark of noon,
He tells of the girl with the broom,
Attempting to get rid of him,
Flipping him out with a spin,
He says he feels so alone,
With no one to love and no place to call home,
Tonight mother moon listens near,
Lending to all her merciful ear,
Tonight I tell her the story of my life,
She says nothing at all,
Just fills me with light,
So that I may get back up from my long fall,
I sit on this hard rock over the valley,
Watching the trees breathe,
And the people sleep,
Listen to the baby bird's sweet peep,
I reflect back on all that I have done,
The time I spent on worthless fun,
It does not seem to be enough,
I regret not sweating with the labor of my love,
But I cannot help how it was,
So tonight I make a promise to the world,
That I will no longer act like a worthless little girl,
That when I wake in the morning I will begin to live,
And ask them to learn to forgive,
I will bleed with the blisters of my labor,
And I will all be for another,
The eagle screeches to me her approval,
And laughs that I worry about those who are judgmental,
She flies so free,
And promises that this is something else she will teach me,
To flit through life so free and content,
For this is the life and this is how living was meant,
The bear and her cubs teach me to be strong,
The sparrow teaches me her song,
With the lessons of the woods,
I will live wherever I have stood,
And i will teach others as well,
I will pick up those who fell,
We will change the world,
And they will say, "It all started with one night and one silly girl."

Amazing you

My tears flow and fall,
The world comes to a crawl,
All around I see the pain inside of me,
See how great others can be,
If it wasn't for you,
I have no idea what I would do,
You showed me the greatness inside of me,
The greatness I can come to be,
And now I am sitting here crying yet again,
But not like I did then,
Today I cry because I have found this peace,
Gone and defeated life's beast,
Now I can hold my head up proud,
Feeling tall as a cloud,
Just a matter of time before they try to bring me down,
I feel like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound,
Let them come to make me fall,
I will teach them all,
What it means to have love,
Not to spill blood,
So as I sit and write this I am thinking of you,
And all the extraordinary things you do,
How you always seem to just be there,
Even when I don't know that I need you here,
How your hugs can change the world,
And your eyes can see my inner little girl,
You have taught me how to fight,
You have taught me how to make things right,
It was you to hold me up when I fell,
It was you who was still there after the final bell,
If it wasn't for you,
I have no idea what I would do,
So, to you I say thank you,
Thank you for just being amazing you

Yesterday's Tomorrow

Today I admit to haven fallen in love with him,
He and I have had the most fun there has ever been,
Tomorrow I will admit to having a broken heart,
For falling in love means landing hard,
Yesterday I would've admitted to being his friend,
Something I thought would never have come to an end,
Right now I am in a hard position,
Trying so hard to make a decision,
As to step into the tunnel of time,
And choose whether or not as to make you mine,
I'm hurting now,
But soon it will be better somehow,
Trying not to let it show yesterday,
Trying hard just to make it seem all play,
I hate showing the world how I feel,
So I pretend to be hard as steel,
But being with you makes me glow,
And for some reason I want you to know,
I want to tell you everything that's going on within,
But somehow I'm sure you'd make it your mission,
To fix all the open wounds and diminish all the scars,
So I keep you out with sharp, metal bars,
Yet you seem to pry through into my heart,
Straight through to the deepest, warmest part,
Making me laugh, making me cry,
So Today I will love you like everything's fine,
I will laugh at your dumb jokes,
And giggle at your sharp pokes,
I will do my best not to hurt you,
And that's the hardest thing to do,
To keep you from feeling my pain,
Working hard for the strength I gain,
Trying to toughen so I can hide,
Yet you stick ruthlessly by my side,
So today I will love you with all I have,
And tomorrow I mourn you til I go mad,
Love you in the now,
And yet know I will have to let you go somehow,
Torture is what it is,
For every mark I hit, ten more I miss,
Goodbye tonight,
Yesterday I'll make everything go right

The current of time.

Waiting for the axe to fall,
Afraid to lose it all,
Knowing each and every breath,
Brings me closer to my death,
Glimpsing what could be,
And knowing it is only something to see,
Following his foot prints through the wood,
Finding him where he stood,
Looking at my empty hand,
Left waiting where I stand,
Not knowing if I shall see,
The man he will grow to be,
For surly he might die,
Hating how I say goodbye,
Leaving left a hole,
Love is something he stole,
Took it with him in his pocket,
As I wear it in a locket,
So that we may always know,
How change will surly go,
Mixing and twisting up our lives,
Always forcing our bitter sweet goodbyes,
Living for our yesterday's tomorrow,
Too strong to show our sorrow,
Taking the path less traveled by,
Flying on wings so high,
Nothing can stop me once I go,
Determination that will always show,
Today is a lullaby,
Tomorrow is a lie,
Unsure of how it shall conclude,
So easy to delude,
Living for yesterday,
Is a never ending wait,
Living for tomorrow,
Takes time unowned to borrow,
Living to today,
Is always the best way,
Yesterday is stone,
Hard and set strong enough to break bone,
Tomorrow is a current,
Flowing hard and easily bent,
So now I know where it is I stand,
And where it is I want to land,
With nothing to stop me,
I will write tomorrow's history

A prayer to Thee above

How hard is it to apologize?
Accept all your wrongs and lies,
We don't always have to bring one another down,
Shouldn't have to worry who is around,
Show the world you are not mean,
And just how much of your warm heart there is to be seen,
No more worries of the past,
Please Lord let this last,
Let the pain leave,
And show the world the truth of what I believe,
May she know I love her,
And that she truly is my sister,
Lord, please bring the sun to shine down on this Earth,
And let people know the truth of what they really are worth,
Let us forget all that we have done wrong,
And show us the story in the bird's sweet song,
Lord, please give me strength,
And show me how to ease their pain,
Make me Thine sweet hand,
And allow me to bring Thine tender love to all of man,
Lord I ask Thee,
To please forgive me,
My dear Lord I feel Thine love for me,
And I ask Thee to make me the best I can be,
Please show her Thine devine light,
And help her to forget Satan's sharp bite,
I thank Thee my sweet Father above,
For Thine eternal lasting love

on the surface

Running so blindly,
Blinded so completely,
Flooded with stupidity,
Never to find serenity,

Missing a link,
Afraid to even blink,
Unable to think,
Blushing bright pink,

Listening to your sweet voice,
Deaf to the world's noise,
Moving with no choice,
Frozen with still poise,

Tired of the world unable to see,
The Earth's true beauty,
Sitting so silently,
Not knowing what is going to be,

Feeling so faithless,
Left suddenly so lifeless,
Hiding on the surface,
Clenching my bleeding fist,

Feeling so incomplete,
Lost in a life's beat,
Taking all the heat,
Reaching no small feat,

Running from myself,
Like a prisoner breaking from his cell,
Not knowing how I fell,
Finally breaking from my shell,

Stepping into the light of day,
Not knowing what to say,
Nor that the world would ask me to pay,
Such a high price for the sun to stay,

Feeling him whispering,
Leaving me wondering,
Which of the pieces is missing,
Not knowing who is listening,

Drowning to the the deaf,
Welcoming a quick death,
Finding the end of it all,
Just waiting for the world to fall

Trying to bring me down

Moving through me like a river,
You flow in my veins like ice,
Making me shiver and cry,
Your harsh words cut me like a blade,
They are meant to bring me down,
But really, all they are is sound,
I am too smart to let them touch me,
I am too pretty to listen to you call me ugly,
I am too strong to let them leave a mark,
I am too accepting of myself to let them drag me into the dark,
You may call me what you wish,
You may attempt to get me to hurt,
You may try to get me to feel like dirt,
But who are you?
You can't see what actually hurts me,
You hate that no one will love you like I love he,
Why do you even try?
Can't you see that I am simply amazing?
That is what makes it so entertaining,
To watch you fumble and fall,
At trying to make me feel so small,
I am okay with who I really am.
I love you no matter what you say,
Because that will last for only today,
You try to bring me down because really you are the one hurting,
I will try my best to help you,
Because no matter what you do,
I still care about you,
I am a bird at wing,
I am a cloud in the sky,
I am not going to stop until the moment I die,
Life is too short to spend it in sorrow,
And no matter what you say, the sun will always rise tomorrow,
A day without a smile,
Is a day without life,
Because a smile is the sun, and without it you are living in the night

Night sky star

Heart thudding,
Mind shuddering,
Thinking of the world's conclusion,
Not living up to their expectation and illusion,
I am not perfect,
Nor do I care what image I reflect,
Who are they to say that I should be the sun's bright day?
When I am so comfortable shrouded in the night,
I am withstanding an unbeatable fight,
Clinging to what is left of me,
Pretending to be what they want to see,
Lost in a sea of injustice,
Unable to finally discover solace or bliss,
Feeling like I have set out on a journey with no start,
Feeling like I am running from the genius of my heart,
Trying to forget the pain of their words,
Trying to ignore all that I have so unwillingly heard,
I always pretend like I don't care what they say,
Pretending like I allow to come what may,
I want to speak out,
With a thundering voice so loud,
Want to tell them of the scars that mar me,
That I will never be who they want me to be,
But I have found telling them is pointless,
For they suffer from deafness,
They can't hear what I have to say,
Because they are too caught up in their own ways,
I hope they get to taste their own medicine,
So they will see that they will never win,
So instead of screaming to the deaf and stupid,
I will continue to control the emotions I have thus far so well hid,
For I am not inferior to them in the slightest,
I am the greatest of my very best,
I am amazing simply because I choose so,
That is something that the unintelligent will never know,
They cannot see,
You are who and what you choose to be,
So one day I will be heroin,
And they will be the suffering victim,
They will see that no matter that they may have said,
I will do my best to keep them from falling dead,
Because they obviously have so much to learn,
And that is knowledge they will have to earn,
Today they are blind to my beauty,
Tomorrow they will pretend like they always knew me,
For I will be a glittering star,
One that can fall so hard,
But is too strong to lose her grip,
On the night sky's glowing tip,
Too strong to let them shake me down,
And they will forever be left to roam the ground

The wild

Looking up at a thousand stars,
Amazed at just how many there are,
They shine so bright,
Like fireflies on this summer night,
Taking my breath away,
Wishing to keep the sun at bay,
I smell the fire's musky smoke,
And the lake where we soak,
Tonight is mine,
But I seem unable to keep track of time,
Lost in this world of green,
Like no other I have ever seen,
Smelling pine in the air,
And seeing the giant grizzly bear,
Running with bare feet,
Catching and killing just so I can eat,
This summer seems like magic,
To lose this would be oh, so tragic,
Running with the wolf pack,
Never turning around or even looking back,
Feeling so one with the wild,
Living with mother nature as her child,
I am the leaf on the wind,
I am the fox getting skinned,
Never too close yet never far,
Like a forgotten scar,
Living and breathing,
Never forgetting all of life's meaning,
Like the fallen baby bird,
Or the fawn unable to find its herd,
Leaving footprints in the mud,
Shedding the rabbits red blood,
Catching the wild fowl,
And listening to the wolf howl,
Always looked down upon by the moon,
Like the river always in tune,
The wind pushing through the trees,
And the birds stealing their seeds,
Never losing my worn path,
Yet always seeming to keep on track,
This is the story of the season,
This is the meaning of life's reason,
To take flight from this binding ground,
And never touching back down,
I have finally found the meaning of being free,
Something you, in your office, will never see,
For its secrets are hidden in the rabbits burrow,
Something you can find if you are through,
The secret is written in the stars,
Something you can feel in your heart,
Just let the wild sing,
And in your ears to ring,
For this is my home of yellow and blue,
Something I am hoping will soon find you

Starting out in life

The sun has come out to say hello,
The hardest part of saying goodbye is letting go,
We will all have our own adventures,
And will see each other next year,
The spooning under the stars,
And the traveling to places so far,
The dancing under the moon,
And sleeping in until noon,
Summer is here,
She is whispering in our ear,
Telling us that no matter what we go through,
She will always come back to you,
We will learn a lot in these many fort nights,
Knowledge that will stay with us through out our lives,
Growing from Kitten and foul,
Into adults that can reach our goal,
We may come back home with more than a tan,
We will be young woman and man,
Suddenly seeing what life has in store for us,
Learning right from wrong, and love from lust,
Suddenly we find ourselves on the edge of the starting line,
Splitting from our peers and leaving some behind,
I am a butterfly coming out of my cocoon,
I am a bear hunting a raccoon,
Like the baby bird in the sky,
Just starting out in life,
Not knowing what is to come next,
But wanting to be the very best,
So for now I want to live life as it is,
And for tomorrow save me your warm kiss,
Your sweet love song,
And my poem, oh so long,
They say these are the best years,
But they are so full of our biggest fears,
So stay strong for your tomorrow,
Wherever it may go

Moving on

I thought it was jut the wind passing through,

But much to my surprise it was you,

Sending chills down my spin,

Letting me know it will be all right,

I cry everyday since you left Earth to escape,

Oh how your absence is filling me with such heartache,

I'm drowning our mamma in my tears,

Although time has passed into years.

I am missing you yet again today,

So very haunted by your smiling face,

You're reaching out and letting go,

 Working so hard to let me know,

You are there for me,

Even though it is just your picture I see,

You'd hold me in your arms,

You are so close, yet so very far,

The days have gotten dark,

And moving on is always hard,

But you  left me with your mark,

To be left forever in my heart,

So until we meet again,

I will be moving on to meet my end,

And at last we will be together,

To spend happily the rest of forever

I wrote this in memory of my sister, Julia Lea Robison, 1991-2008. RIP Jewel, we miss you so much.

What it is

It's about laughing when nothing funny happened.
It is about pretending to be superman,
It is about flying through the air until you hit the ground,
It is about never letting a rude comment get you down,
It is about smiling until you can't feel your face,
It is about making your own place,
It is about not giving up when you are down to tears,
It is about laughing in the face of your fears,
It is about not letting him tell you a lie,
It is about standing your ground even if you die,
It is about smiling in the dark,
It is about accepting imperfection's mark,
No one can tell you who you are,
No one can leave you with a scar,
Just stand up and sing,
Listen to those gold church bells ring,
You are alive,
So why not live life?
It is about not caring to fit in with the crowd,
It is about dancing and not caring who is around,
It is about being the person you were meant to be,
It is about him loving me for no reason but that I am me,
It is about dancing in the white winter rain,
It is about singing out all the shards until there is no more pain,
It is about running without shoes,
It is about learning about someone you never knew,
Forgetting to smile is forgetting to breathe,
Without happiness you are not being who you were meant to be,
Never surrender your heart to the demons,
Don't let them drag you down to their dank prisons,
It is about learning the rhythm of love,
It is about loving your father above,
It is about rolling in the dirt,
It is about being strong enough not to get lost in the hurt,
It is about smiling when you have no teeth,
It is about forgetting another's mean streak,
Forgive and forget,
Protect someone else from becoming the next target,
Stand up for what is right,
Even if it means you have to fight,
Don't forget what it is about,
Because today is the day to sing and shout,
And bask in the light of today,
Yet do not forget what they say,
Live life to its fullest,
We are all an undercover artist,
The only difference is that some of us don't forget it.

Strong

Watching the stars fall,
As if heaven was crying glitter,
No longer able to stand so tall,
Feeling like a quitter,
Smelling the flooding rains,
Watching the world turn to zombies,
Walking around without minds,
Thinking they can take me,
Feeling sand between my toes,
Watching the birds fly,
Losing all my hopes,
Falling from the blue sky,
Laughing off her glare,
Putting on a show,
Wanting to turn into a wild mare,
Hating that they don't know,
Yet unable to tell,
All my mysteries,
And how I fell,
Unable to relay my history,
Tasting defeat,
Losing the game,
It seeps with bitter-sweet,
But so does all pain,
He may not get it,
He may not understand,
But he need not know every little bit,
The world has turned bland,
The sun is rising,
It is the perfect time of day,
Everyone is still sleeping,
And it feels like May,
I guess for now I will stay down,
I won't stay that way for long,
I will end up getting the last touchdown,

Because under all this emotion I am strong.

Let it out

Shake your thang,
 Talk so loud you start to scream,
 Run so fast you can't be caught,
 Laugh so hard you feel you'll pop,
Just let it all out,
No matter if you have any doubt,
Sing so loud you can't breathe,
Dance so long you can't feel your teeth,
Just do what it takes,
To make you feel okay,
And embrace life's new way,
And learn from this new day,
Because no matter what it is,
Your problem is also His,
And He can fix it,
Every little bit,
You have the right to smile,
Feel like you own the world for a little while,
You can be anyone you want,
No matter brunette or blonde,
Don't keep it all inside,
We don't want the real you to hide,
Let it all out,
Even if that means you shout,
We just want you happy,
Because of how much you mean to me,
You are special,
Some would even say you're an angel,
So stop feeling so sad,
And the world will be less bad

Chasing me

Smiling and blinking at me,
Not knowing what this is supposed to be,
Yet you're still chasing me,
But for that you'll have to pay a fee,
I don't give my love so willingly,
I am a cruel captor,  yes,
But it is good for keeping my heart from making a mess,
I laugh as you try to pass my tests,
You fail even though you try your best,
Like drowning while digging for a treasure chest,
I am running as far as I can go,
I am not someone you will ever truly know,
Like an arrow leaving your bow,
Lost in the white of winter snow,
Speaking is something I barely allow,
I'm running,
Laughing that your trying,
Trying so hard to stay on beat with me although your heart is thundering,
You can't keep your charade from burning and crashing,
You're the dark and I'm the sun rays of the morning,
I will be the end of you,
Can't you see we will never be the perfect two?
You act like getting to know me is a big interview,
Really all I want is to know you for you,
I hate to see you so blind to the truth,
But you are not right for me,
Like trying to go back in history,
And write the end for a novelist's mystery,
You can't change the past's story,
If you want my love you'll have to find the key,
To the lock on my heart,
Some say I am too tart,
They say I'm too harsh,
But they don't understand me right from the start,
They watch you falling apart,
I can't give you my trust,
Because then I'd have to adjust,
Clean out my wounds and clear the dust,
That's something I want to avoid at all cost,
But to love you it is a must,
It is like watching a bird fly but never sing,
Like a bee unable to sting,
Why do you wish to be my king?
When you can have anything,
The world or the largest bling,
It is unnatural for you to fall so hard,
I may have a heart so strongly bard,
And always be on my guard,
But you get back up as if unmarred,
But you got burnt by the fire and now you're charred,
Wounded by my defenses,
But again you charge blind by the consequences,
So willing to pay any expense,
Do you really want a girl who's not dense,
Who is surrounded by a barbed fence?
I don't understand you,
But you've finally intrigued me, something so hard to do,
You're one of the few,
Making me want to know who,
Is  behind those eyes like morning dew,
One thing is for sure,
Baby, you've got nerve,
And for now I'm willing to take a chance,
And have patience,
To let myself love you,
Which is something I almost never allow myself to do

Always in your sight

I send a message to you,
By way of balloon,
Telling you of all my thoughts that brew,
Like a baby's first coo,
Writing out my heart and soul,
Fearing it is black as coal,
Nothing that could fill this hole,
Nothing to make me again whole,
Hoping you'll hear what I have to say,
Trying to keep the darkness at bay,
Seeing it creep the light from the day,
Hoping you'll come back to stay,
No coming back from death,
No way to restore your breath,
No way to bring you back to your path,
Hating how you left,
The earth has taken your body,
Now your living in a world without me,
Probably oh so happy,
Laughing without worry,
I miss you,
I just wanted to ask you if it's true,
That the truth is something you never knew,
You never knew that I love you,
Yes we may have fought,
But why didn't you remember all the things Jesus taught?
Now the words in my throat get caught,
Was I really that big of a snot?
I know you miss me,
I know you've finally found life's key,
And it is such a pity,
That in life that is something you couldn't see,
Oh I miss you Jewel,
I know that life may sometimes be cruel,
But you acted like a fool,
You and life had a dual,
And you let him win,
And he drowned you in sin,
Making you forget to turn to your kin,
Ending your life before it could begin,
I miss hearing your music,
I miss healing you when you were sick,
I felt my heart rip,
As I watched your blood drip,
The world died that day,
Sending us into disarray,
Making me lose what to say,
Now it is your body down we lay,
Watching you lowered into your grave,
Having to be brave,
Yet swallowed by the wave,
Left in the darkness of the cave,
Searching through the night,
Trying to see the light,
Yet it is nowhere in sight,
Seeping into me with fright,
Then I see the lightning flash,
Like fire it slash,
I hear the thunder crash,
As the world turns to ash,
Then I smell the summer air,
I see your golden hair,
Feel you strong as a bear,
And I know your here,
Even though I can't see you,
I know it is true,
And the world turns bright and new,
As I remember all that we used to do,
I feel you so near,
Wishing for your face to appear,
You whisper in my ear,
And I freeze like a deer,
You say it will all be alright,
That you forgive me our fights,
And that you've been taken into the light,
And I'm always in your sight

My Insides

My silence cuts the air like a blade,
I watch your smile fade,
As you take my hand and tell me the sweetest lie,
You tell me it will all be fine,
That I will survive this form of hurt, this torture,
Well you're wrong sir,
I am already dead, it killed me within,
You catch my chin,
As I drop it to hide from those eyes,
I can't talk with the fear I'll cry,
You tell me to speak my mind,
I laugh as I think you're too kind,
You have no idea what you're getting into,
I laugh at all the things I wish you knew,
A tear slides down my face,
And I finally admit I'm not okay,
I tell you why I hide,
Show you the clouds and wounds of my insides,
I open up to you,
With no idea of how you'll react or what you'll do,
It is so scary to let you see,
See the dead girl inside of me,
You don't get why she died,
Out of me you slip the information that is most classified,
Like a secret agent sent to fix the pain,
I laugh at the idea of how you'd be trained,
I may not be on my exterior,
But I'm crying, though it is better to have you here,
I am still not sure it was smart to let you see,
All the damage that was done to me,
For now you know I'm a broken stone,
With too many cracks and costing too much for anyone to care to own,
I'm no shining red ruby,
I'm no sparkling beauty,
I am covered in the ashes of my burned dreams,
Caring no longer what that means for me,
You get distant,
And a pain in my ribs grows from your absence,
I beg you to think of all my scars,
Before you wander off too far,
For they have made me weak with agony,
And your leaving would shatter my scant sanity,
I hate you for making me want to pull you in so closely,
But I can't help wondering if you too get lonely,
For now you are a friend,
Nothing more, nothing less when it comes to the end,
But I hope one day you will be more,
Because you've seen my heart and all the blood it pores,
You know my grief, agony, and insanity,
You know what is lost to all but me,
And I don't blame you for not wanting a broken girl,
I'm a clam not your shining pearl,
The one I know every guy is looking for,
The girl who will keep you from walking out the door,
But I enjoy your company,
Even in the depths of misery,
So thank you,
You helped more than you ever knew

The tax of words unspoken

I'm empty and open,
I'm closed and broken,
I don't want you to see my cracks,
Yet I want to scream when you turn your back,
I want to be hidden,
Yet I don't wish to be forgotten,
I hate it when you don't listen for what I have left unspoken,
Yet I know without words you'll never know what's broken,
If I can't get it out I'll die,
Yet I can't even bring myself to cry,
These words are my diary,
And I know they will be the end of my weak mortality,
Yet I'm not sure I want them to be apart of my history,
Even though like a river, they flow from me,
I can't say this to your face,
So I write it here in this place,
Hoping that one day you'll see it,
At the same time wishing to keep them a secret,
I can't show you my heart,
Yet I can let you see my art,
And is that not the same?
For that is the same place where from which they all came,
Shooting from my soul,
And every time they go unspoken they take their toll,
I want to scream but can't find my voice,
I want to tell you but can't make the choice,
I know without words you won't understand,
Oh how I hate the ignorance of man,
I'm so frustrated,
I feel like I'm going to explode with the way they've accumulated,
Building up like a bomb within,
Screaming out into the world's large din,
If you listen close you can hear my eyes,
They'll tell you of my mouth's smooth lies,
My tongue won't tell you of my pain,
But it can't handle silence's strain,
Stop asking questions that I have to lie to,
And finally let my eyes show you the glowing truth,
You caught on to a few facts,
But that gift came with a tax,
I don't want to trust you,
I don't want to show you all that the world never knew,
It is like a hidden treasure in the bay,
Cursed to keep it in the place it lay,
Now you're hunting to find it,
And I'm screaming for you to quit,
Yet a voice from within tells me to let you know,
To let my face play out the show,
And finally move my still tongue,
Tell you the things I feel that should cause me to be hung,
I want you to know of my guilt,
But I might as well hand you a sword by the hilt,
For surly it would slay me,
To give you the chance to betray me,
So for now I'll stay silent,
And hope this agony within does not become more violent,
For surly even if I did speak, you could not understand,
For you are nothing but a mere man,
Unable to comprehend the complexity that is the woman,
But maybe, just maybe, with my help you can

My thunderstorm

Your eyes are stars,
Your heart is far as Mars,
Your smile is there but easily hidden,
Your hands are silken linen,
You can do anything,
You can own the world, you could own everything,
You could take to the sky,
Spread your wings and fly,
Yet here you are still on the ground,
You wish you would never touch back down,
Your eyes are a colorless shade,
My faith in you will never fade,
My knowledge of your heart would surprise you,
It's full and beating to drum so new,
I know everything there is to know about your soul,
You think the world is cold,
Yet you walk in its heat, oh so warm,
Your perseverance is as strong as a thunderstorm,
Rattling in our bones, 
Making its self known,
You're the master of this game,
Yet your master is pain,
How could you let it take you down?
Why would you let it be your master, the one to wear the crown?
You're the pioneer crossing the planes,
You're the engineer laying tracks for the trains,
Stronger than hurt,
Although your face may be marred with sweat and dirt,
You shine with vigor and vitality,
Fighting for what you want with lethality,
You are solid iron and steel,
Yet I wish I could help you to heal,
You don't see your beauty,
So what if you're heart is heavy?
You sparkle without any light,
You breathe that spark into everyone's life,
Making the world a brighter place,
This is why you're the one I chase

Without a sun

I walk watching my shadow stand tall,
Feeling so inferior,
Feeling oh so small,
I dry the tears,
But I'm swallowed by my deepest fears,
Struggling to stay on top,
Drowning in all my failure,
I want to scream,
Just to let it out,
I can't handle my own impression of me,
Wanting to be someone else,
Like trying to fill in someone's big shoes,
Wanting to stand strong,
When I know I'm just stupid and weak,
Wanting to run but having no feet,
Lost in my failure,
I know I can't be who I want to be,
Want to be what I'm not,
Feeling useless like the moon during the day,
Feeling worthless like salt in the sea,
Feeling so mute,
No one can hear me,
Crying my soul,
Shaking my bones,
Misery sets in and I try to run,
Feeling cut down like a blade of grass,
Wanting to rise above what I feel,
But knowing it will follow me wherever I go,
Missing part of me,
Missing all that I used to be,
Wondering where my strength went,
Wanting innocence,
Wanting sweet ignorance,
Wanting the sun when all i have is the moon,
Wanting gold but left with stone,
Wanting to touch the clouds,
But having no way to reach them,
Wanting to feel complete,
But having yet to find him,
Hating emotion,
Walking to the stars,
Running so far,
Hating who I am,
Longing for who I am to become,
Lost in life,
So very far from death,
Tasting sweat,
Feeling blood,
Cold and hot,
Stone and sponge,
Lost to be never found,
Listening for any sound,
Looking for the slightest light,
Feeling so alone,
Who am I?
Who was I?
Who am I to become?
I'm a mystery with no end,
A puzzle without pieces,
A storm without rain,
Walking this Earth with no path,
Wandering with no destination,
Nor direction or motivation,
Screaming to no ears,
Listening to no voice,
I have become lost to this world,
So it is on to the next

Writer's block

I wrote this when in the clutches of the dreaded writer's block. I like it. I think it is sort of nice to have different...material to write about. Love is starting to get old, but so is pain and anguish. Not sure what I'm going to write about from now on but I really want a change of genera.   Ideas?? HELP ME OUT!!! Please post a comment on this and give me some inspiration. Love you!!

I can't seem to find any inspiration,
Seems like I'm close to designation,
Wanting so desperately,
For the world to see,
That I am a writer that will soon be known,
A girl whose heart has flown,
Soaring through the gray fluffy clouds,
Wanting my words to flow through the world's crowds,
Yet I'm stuck in a bucket of writer's block,
Glaring as time ticks away on the clock,
Listening to my own heart beat,
Feeling the sun's glistening heat,
The silence is going to drive me crazy,
Suddenly the room starts to get hazy,
And I sink through the boards,
Appearing in a bundle of cords,
A dragon of electronics swallowing the world,
Suddenly in the distance there is a girl,
She's floating in the air,
Skinny as a stick, yet strong as a bear,
She is here to save the day,
For the dragon has the world in dismay,
She swoops in and shatters its glass eye,
The crowd holds their breath as they watch her fly,
Hoping with all their hearts she will win,
This mysterious heroin,
Then I wake up to my empty room,
Sighing through the hazy gloom,
Grabbing my pen and paper,
And suddenly everyone will know the name of that superhero's creator

Feel this way

 This is my first free verse. I am not going to talk about it, don't ask questions. Tell me what you think.

So much pressure,
Feeling crushed like a can,
I can't take the hit,
Can't even take the wind,
I feel like I'm falling apart,
Losing my momentum,
Not staying on track,
Not keeping my eye on the ball,

You see right through my defenses,
See that I have a heart,
See that I have a soul,
Not sure if this is a good thing,
Not sure I want it all to be seen
I'm running from you with all I've got,
Noticing you doesn't make it easier,
Doesn't make me want to concede

I may be stubborn,
I may be a pain in the neck,
But for some reason you want to stay,
Want to let me feel this way,
I don't understand it,
And I doubt I ever will,
Not that I care,
But you look at me with those beautiful blue eyes,
Making me melt from within

Listening to the sound of your heart beneath my ear,
Feeling like I could stay here,
I don't want to give up,
To let you know you've caught me,
But i fear that i must tell the truth,
Which is something i can't seem to do,
Not even admit it to myself,
I hate wanting to feel your warmth,
And knowing that you've won

I hate losing the battle,
I hate being the one to cave,
I hate feeling all this emotion,
I hate knowing I want to be more than friends,
I hate following all the stupid world's trends,
I hate being the girl they all fear,
I hate knowing that I'll lose that title,
I hate getting knocked off beat,
I hate loving you

Dancing through the air,
Hearing the wind whip through my hair,
Knowing you're two strides behind,
Refusing to lose the race,
Refusing to back down,
Laughing at the feel of your hands,
Laughing at the feel of your breath in my ear,
Missing you when you're not there,
Loving my time alone

I love the sound of your voice,
I love the feel of the sidewalk at my back,
I love giggling as your voice cracks,
I love the vibrating of your chest,
I love the swallowing of my words,
I love the annoying banter,
I love the feeling of hating loving this,
I love it when you miss a step, miss a beat,
I love making your eyes light up with a smile

I am not one to be chased,
I am not one to be worth the worry,
I am not one to be sought after,
I am not one to forget your laughter,
I am not one to be lost in those eyes,
I am not one to let you see what and who I am,
I am not one to be forgotten,
I am not one to be stopped,
I am not one to be given up on so easily

You make me want to run,
You make me want to sing,
You make me want to show the world all of me,
You make me want to hide from their prying eyes,
You make me want to take on the world,
You make me want to march to your drum,
You make me feel somehow intelligently dumb,
You make me want to scream with anger,
You make me want to laugh with joy

Simplicity of what used to be

It's just a dream,
I'm not even sure what it means,
But every time I close my eyes I see you with me,
The way I wish it to be,
I know by the way you're so cold it will never happen,
I'll always be left waitin,
For the day I catch your eye,
Somehow you make me shy,
Make me blush,
It may be just a stupid crush,
But I want to know your emotion,
These feeling crash through me like an ocean,
I'm missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
I just want you to confirm how you feel,
But your eyes are cold hard steel,
That look you give me makes no sense,
It hardly gives me any confidence,
The moon looks down on me,
I know I'll never be as pretty as she,
But she tells me I'm not alone,
Not the only girl holding back a moan,
Wanting to escape from this misery,
Wanting to confirm you'll never love me,
You walk away without looking back,
I hear my heart crack,
Pain shooting through my veins,
Driving me insane,
Hurting like my soul has burst into fire,
Feeling my insides turn to barbed wire,
Wanting to scream but finding no voice,
Walking this path, having no choice,
I thought you could save me from myself,
Thought you'd be good for my health,
You told me you wanted to know the real me,
But that remark stung like the venom of a bee,
You told me you wanted to be my friend,
But I have so much to amend,
I don't feel worthy to talk to you,
Drowning in the world like you know I do,
Missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
I'm shaking with your knowledge of the truth,
Wondering how you'll react and what you'll do,
Feet hitting the ground,
Echoing through the world with a haunting resound,
Your cold hand reaches into me,
Ripping my hidden heart right out of my body,
Bringing it to the surface for all to look upon,
Feeling as helpless as a newborn fawn,
Darting looks from across the room,
Left feeling trapped in a tomb,
Missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
Wanting to run from life,
Feeling its gaze stab into me like a knife,
I hate feeling so vulnerable,
At this openness that is almost unbearable,
Wishing for you just to tell me,
What you want this situation to turn out to be,
So just open your mouth,
Let it out,
And tell me

Life

I wrote this one today. I like it and the meaning in it is important to me. I am one of those people who thinks you should grab life by the horns and just ride it wherever it may take you. Love you guys, hope you listen. ;)

I just want to live life,
Not just endure it,
Life is the rhythm in the rain,
The happiness outlining the pain,
Life is the lingering smile on your face,
And finding love in an unsuspected place,
Learning the place you fit,
And standing up hit after hit,
Life is learning to put down the anger when it raises it's ugly head,
And lifting the hearts that feel like sullen lead,
When a voice whispers you can't do it,
Don't you dare lose it,
You are stronger than you know,
You've just got to let it show,
Shine your sun to warm the world,
Show your soul, let it become unfurled,
I may be shy to your face,
But I have to let it all out on this page,
I know you will never understand  my passion,
It is built into me like a magazine's fashion,
Burning within me like the unstoppable sun,
Life is meant to be fun,
I want to scream it as loud as I can,
Hear it sung by my favorite band,
And most of all I want to see it written on your face,
For that is its true place,
I want to live life,
Not just endure it

The Price of Truth

I wrote this today because I have a friend struggling to see through the clouds of life's trials. He is someone I've given up on liking and am now just contenting myself with being friends. Besides, my fancy has been caught by someone spectacular. (I have never thought I would think of this person in such a way, but it is true now.) My friend Miranda came up with the name. Thanks babe. ;)

 

 

 

I want to hold you,
 let you know it is all going to be okay,
but then I know,
I will forever be left waiting in anticipation for that day,
For something will always go wrong,
But that is the way of life,
The reason we work so hard to push through the throng,
To make it to the top,
I know something will always go wrong,
And that is a fact that will never stop,
But we can make the best of it,
Learn from our mistakes,
Life is a ball of wire,
Some spools being made of blades,
Others of the winding messes of our hearts desires,
I wish I could tell you,
Just how much I wish that weren't true,
Just how much that really means to me,
And just how much a fee,
It is to love you,
And know that you could never feel the same way about me,
I am a stone compared you your brilliant diamond,
I am a seed compared to your twisting tree,
I know you will not ever understand,
The way you make me feel,
But we're not made from the same brand,
Like Coke and Pepsi,
You will never know just how much you mean to me,
So with life's injustices flung in your face,
You may become bitter from it's rank taste,
But at least now you know the truth.

Different View

I made my choice,
you've made yours.
Why is it still here haunting me?
Why can't I just go to sleep?
When I'm with him I'm still thinking of you,
You're the thought in the back of my mind,
Twisting my insides,
If you were to come back you'd find,
That I am not the same girl you loved,
I am the one who broke your heart,
The one who you tore apart,
Silent as a giraffe,
I'm stuck following my own path,
Waiting and hoping for you to come to me,
To tell me what is done is done,
And it is all just history,
I want you to hurt me so much I can't breathe,
So I can have a reason to let you walk away from me,
No matter how hard and fast I run,
You always end up catching up,
Always there melting my insides,
Time to find a mop,
I'm sick of trying to hide,
Behind all that is going on deep within,
Eyes of steel,
Heart of stone,
I'm left sinking,
In this dark gloom all alone,
Knowing you never cared,
Knowing your not going to be there,
To listen to my painful moan,
I'm suffering from your absence,
Left in the dark with no light switch in sight,
Knocking me off balance,
Left with no air in my lungs,
Like a hit and run,
When I'm thinking of you I can't stop shaking,
Looking at the phone debating,
What I should do,
What I should say,
Then I remember that you chose this,
You ran so far away,
Now I'm deaf from silence,
Now I'm blind from the sullen dark,
Contemplating violence,
To just end it all,
And be rid of you,
To watch you fall,
In my heart I know you knew,
That I gave my self over to the only one I loved,
And that only one was you,
Drowning in tears,
Shaking in fear,
That I'll see your face on the street,
Like a person playing ghost under a white sheet,
For now I'm left broken,
Waiting for one who will help me to again feel emotion,
I will love you always,
I'm left here heartless because I gave it to you,
Left here seeing the world sideways,
And seeing it all with a different view

Get it

I think I will have to come back and work on this one, but I was really angry and hurt when I wrote it last week. Tell me what you think and what I should fix. Love you peoples. <3

Don't judge me by my tears,

You've got no idea why I cry them,

No idea what I feel,

No idea what haunts me in my deepest fears,

Behind these hazel eyes there is a whole new world,

A whole new place to be explored,

Yet even Columbus could not find its foaming shores,

You may call me weak,

You may call me emotional, trivial, and dumb,

But wait til I get on my feet,

I'll punch you so hard I'll break my thumb,

You'll learn quick to just shut your mouth,

To just let me cry,

Because frankly, you're just another shell,

Unable to understand nor feel my pain,

Though you may try to in vain,

So with a smear of pain, 

And a swallow of hurt,

I'll show you the recipe for me,

So you may know all that goes in,

To being a woman, a girl, and a lady,

So don't ask me what is wrong,

Don't ask me how to fix it,

Cause in the end,

You still won't get it.

Declaring victory

I have been working on this one for a while, and I think it's still a work in progress. Let me know what you think, what it needs, and what is wrong with the flow. I think this one has really good potential, it just needs to flow. (It has to flow.) Love you peoples, let me know. ;)

Through blood and tears,
Through it all,

You rise above the battle,
tasting sweet victory,
watching your enemies fall,
Drenched in their tainted blood,
You become the power behind their fears,
You shriek out your battle call,
Covered in soot and mud,
Shaking with no mercy,
They clammier to their knees to attempt to crawl,
You raise your sword to strike,
Putting an end to their life,
Your victory helps you to stand tall,
No pride in what you have done,
Like a bullet released from the chamber of a gun,
You're meant to kill,
You've learned not to feel,
Blood covers you like a crimson shall,
Your glistening armor dulled to gray,
Screaming and running through the thick of the war,
Your demand echos through the stone walls,
Demanding to be heard,
Demanding to be known and not ignored,
You stand tall,
Letting them know all you stand for,
Not giving up or giving in,
You thunder down the enemy's hall,
Plundering the castle,
You see eyes covered in the haze of death,
It is only a reminder to you that you must not fall,
Nothing short of the extent of your strength will in this battle,
Nothing short of all your heart,
And all your soul,
Knowing if you fail we will lose it all,
You see your fellow soldier,
He's declaring victory,
Screaming in the glory of their defeat,
It is not over yet,
You've climbed too high up the ladder,
To fall would mean a quick death,
You find your horse screaming in her stall,
The moans of those fallen all around you cause your heart to shatter,
Riding tall on your stead,
You lop off the heads of all who confront you,
They roll and bounce as if they're nothing more than a gory ball,
You ride from the painful scene,
Yet it seems to follow like a pack of hungry wolves,
Hunting and haunting you,
I do not envy the things I know you had to do,
You fought for the right,
Vanquishing the wrong,
And for that I will be forever thankful,
You are the reason I've found pride in the lands,
Now I'm holding you lifeless in my hands,
Tears streaming,
Blood flowing,
I know you said things you didn't mean,
The pain in my heart is as steady as a stream,
Flooding and gurgling through me,
I stand like a bear and begin to maul,
Not even registering their screaming,
You were my lifeblood, now I fear all is lost,
We will continue to let this war rage,
And it is in your name,
I will claim our victory,
And demand their surrendering defeat

I'm sorry

 I wrote this today. Not sure what to think of it. I sorta like it, but at the same time is it lame. Let me know. =)


I spilled your blood,
Left you to drown in it,
Now your tears are sweeping the world into a flood,
Not enough space in the world for your pain to fit,
You should have known by now,
I am too free to let you fly with me,
You already know the why but not the how,
This heart can't be unlocked without a key,
Now your bleeding heart is coming back from the dead,
All the shattered pieces sharp as glass,
There's a few things I wish I had said,
But I had to runaway so fast,
Now you're falling through the cracks,
Trying to dig your way out of that hole,
Just trying to find your way back,
But my harshness is taking its tole,
I feel sorry for the pain I seem to cause,
I just wanted to let it be known,
That we all have our flaws,
And I was too coarse on the phone,
I know that these are not the three words you wanted to hear,
But I am sorry,
You are too sweet to dare shed a tear,
I am not worth your worry,
One day you'll find that girl,
The one who takes away your breath,
She'll become your whole world,
The one you'll love long after death,
So just let me go,
So I may find the one for me,
When you meet her I can assure you you'll know,
I think this is the way it has always been meant to be.

Broken

 Wrote this about a huge trouble in my life, but it was all for the best. You can ask questions this time, but just this time. ;)

I'm broken,

Listening to your tears fall like gems to the floor,

It was not my intent to hurt you,

I'm shaken,

Wishing I could get rid of this pain filling me to the core,

I wish there was a way to tell you what I say is not true,

I'm sick of knowing all too well this pain,

I hate feeling like a monster unleashed,

You don't know what is going on in my insides,

Am I doing this all in vein?

All I wanted was for you to be released,

Your warmth in my heart still resides,

I only had you in my heart,

But I had to let you slip through my hands,

And set you free,

The taste lingering in my mouth is so tart,

I never wanted to let you go due to the world's demands,

I just hope you'll learn not to hate me,

I will love you all my life my sweet Corey,

I know you may think differently,

I only wish you one thing from this whole mess,

I wish that your future will become swallowed by happiness,

You were my world,

But it is time for that all to unfurl,

I send to you all my love,

And pray you'll listen to the guidance from above.

Imperfection

I got this idea from a conversation I had with a friend. I got him to see that he has worth even if it is in imperfection. I love you blond boy, don't you dare forget it. =)

Its happening again,

I'm bleeding in my own misery,

Feeling like I fail,

Lost in imperfection,

The world is asking so much of me,

Feeling like I'm chasing my own tail,

I try to power through the pain,

Get myself back home,

Welcoming your embrace,

My weaknesses are driving me insane,

Lost out in this dark, drowning all alone,

Feeling seen through like a Vail of lace,

Knowing their waiting for my fall,

Listening for my heart to be breaking,

Watching for a fault in my steel,

Wanting me to lose it all,

Wanting my title to be forsaking,

Life is a land so unreal,

A smile hidden behind lipgloss,

A love story with a sad end,

No one caring how I feel,

Watching me bearing my cross,

Waiting for my life to impend,

I can take it all,

Smile as they watch for me to fall,

Knowing they can't take the heat,

They're not worthy to even kiss my feat,

This is the story of my imperfection,

The story of how I'm walking in a new direction,

No one else can catch me,

I am the distant open sea,

I love being who I am,

Not caring what I am to them,

I will win in the end,

My strength to them I will not lend,

They won't see the fall they so desperately want,

It is their dreams I haunt,

They only want to see me fail,

So they will have an excuse to do the same,

This is the end of my tale.

Because it is the fact that I cannot be tame,

They may hate me,

But I leave them to drown in their own self hating misery,

I am me,

They are them,

And this is the end