Without a sun

I walk watching my shadow stand tall,
Feeling so inferior,
Feeling oh so small,
I dry the tears,
But I'm swallowed by my deepest fears,
Struggling to stay on top,
Drowning in all my failure,
I want to scream,
Just to let it out,
I can't handle my own impression of me,
Wanting to be someone else,
Like trying to fill in someone's big shoes,
Wanting to stand strong,
When I know I'm just stupid and weak,
Wanting to run but having no feet,
Lost in my failure,
I know I can't be who I want to be,
Want to be what I'm not,
Feeling useless like the moon during the day,
Feeling worthless like salt in the sea,
Feeling so mute,
No one can hear me,
Crying my soul,
Shaking my bones,
Misery sets in and I try to run,
Feeling cut down like a blade of grass,
Wanting to rise above what I feel,
But knowing it will follow me wherever I go,
Missing part of me,
Missing all that I used to be,
Wondering where my strength went,
Wanting innocence,
Wanting sweet ignorance,
Wanting the sun when all i have is the moon,
Wanting gold but left with stone,
Wanting to touch the clouds,
But having no way to reach them,
Wanting to feel complete,
But having yet to find him,
Hating emotion,
Walking to the stars,
Running so far,
Hating who I am,
Longing for who I am to become,
Lost in life,
So very far from death,
Tasting sweat,
Feeling blood,
Cold and hot,
Stone and sponge,
Lost to be never found,
Listening for any sound,
Looking for the slightest light,
Feeling so alone,
Who am I?
Who was I?
Who am I to become?
I'm a mystery with no end,
A puzzle without pieces,
A storm without rain,
Walking this Earth with no path,
Wandering with no destination,
Nor direction or motivation,
Screaming to no ears,
Listening to no voice,
I have become lost to this world,
So it is on to the next

Writer's block

I wrote this when in the clutches of the dreaded writer's block. I like it. I think it is sort of nice to have different...material to write about. Love is starting to get old, but so is pain and anguish. Not sure what I'm going to write about from now on but I really want a change of genera.   Ideas?? HELP ME OUT!!! Please post a comment on this and give me some inspiration. Love you!!

I can't seem to find any inspiration,
Seems like I'm close to designation,
Wanting so desperately,
For the world to see,
That I am a writer that will soon be known,
A girl whose heart has flown,
Soaring through the gray fluffy clouds,
Wanting my words to flow through the world's crowds,
Yet I'm stuck in a bucket of writer's block,
Glaring as time ticks away on the clock,
Listening to my own heart beat,
Feeling the sun's glistening heat,
The silence is going to drive me crazy,
Suddenly the room starts to get hazy,
And I sink through the boards,
Appearing in a bundle of cords,
A dragon of electronics swallowing the world,
Suddenly in the distance there is a girl,
She's floating in the air,
Skinny as a stick, yet strong as a bear,
She is here to save the day,
For the dragon has the world in dismay,
She swoops in and shatters its glass eye,
The crowd holds their breath as they watch her fly,
Hoping with all their hearts she will win,
This mysterious heroin,
Then I wake up to my empty room,
Sighing through the hazy gloom,
Grabbing my pen and paper,
And suddenly everyone will know the name of that superhero's creator

Feel this way

 This is my first free verse. I am not going to talk about it, don't ask questions. Tell me what you think.

So much pressure,
Feeling crushed like a can,
I can't take the hit,
Can't even take the wind,
I feel like I'm falling apart,
Losing my momentum,
Not staying on track,
Not keeping my eye on the ball,

You see right through my defenses,
See that I have a heart,
See that I have a soul,
Not sure if this is a good thing,
Not sure I want it all to be seen
I'm running from you with all I've got,
Noticing you doesn't make it easier,
Doesn't make me want to concede

I may be stubborn,
I may be a pain in the neck,
But for some reason you want to stay,
Want to let me feel this way,
I don't understand it,
And I doubt I ever will,
Not that I care,
But you look at me with those beautiful blue eyes,
Making me melt from within

Listening to the sound of your heart beneath my ear,
Feeling like I could stay here,
I don't want to give up,
To let you know you've caught me,
But i fear that i must tell the truth,
Which is something i can't seem to do,
Not even admit it to myself,
I hate wanting to feel your warmth,
And knowing that you've won

I hate losing the battle,
I hate being the one to cave,
I hate feeling all this emotion,
I hate knowing I want to be more than friends,
I hate following all the stupid world's trends,
I hate being the girl they all fear,
I hate knowing that I'll lose that title,
I hate getting knocked off beat,
I hate loving you

Dancing through the air,
Hearing the wind whip through my hair,
Knowing you're two strides behind,
Refusing to lose the race,
Refusing to back down,
Laughing at the feel of your hands,
Laughing at the feel of your breath in my ear,
Missing you when you're not there,
Loving my time alone

I love the sound of your voice,
I love the feel of the sidewalk at my back,
I love giggling as your voice cracks,
I love the vibrating of your chest,
I love the swallowing of my words,
I love the annoying banter,
I love the feeling of hating loving this,
I love it when you miss a step, miss a beat,
I love making your eyes light up with a smile

I am not one to be chased,
I am not one to be worth the worry,
I am not one to be sought after,
I am not one to forget your laughter,
I am not one to be lost in those eyes,
I am not one to let you see what and who I am,
I am not one to be forgotten,
I am not one to be stopped,
I am not one to be given up on so easily

You make me want to run,
You make me want to sing,
You make me want to show the world all of me,
You make me want to hide from their prying eyes,
You make me want to take on the world,
You make me want to march to your drum,
You make me feel somehow intelligently dumb,
You make me want to scream with anger,
You make me want to laugh with joy

Simplicity of what used to be

It's just a dream,
I'm not even sure what it means,
But every time I close my eyes I see you with me,
The way I wish it to be,
I know by the way you're so cold it will never happen,
I'll always be left waitin,
For the day I catch your eye,
Somehow you make me shy,
Make me blush,
It may be just a stupid crush,
But I want to know your emotion,
These feeling crash through me like an ocean,
I'm missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
I just want you to confirm how you feel,
But your eyes are cold hard steel,
That look you give me makes no sense,
It hardly gives me any confidence,
The moon looks down on me,
I know I'll never be as pretty as she,
But she tells me I'm not alone,
Not the only girl holding back a moan,
Wanting to escape from this misery,
Wanting to confirm you'll never love me,
You walk away without looking back,
I hear my heart crack,
Pain shooting through my veins,
Driving me insane,
Hurting like my soul has burst into fire,
Feeling my insides turn to barbed wire,
Wanting to scream but finding no voice,
Walking this path, having no choice,
I thought you could save me from myself,
Thought you'd be good for my health,
You told me you wanted to know the real me,
But that remark stung like the venom of a bee,
You told me you wanted to be my friend,
But I have so much to amend,
I don't feel worthy to talk to you,
Drowning in the world like you know I do,
Missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
I'm shaking with your knowledge of the truth,
Wondering how you'll react and what you'll do,
Feet hitting the ground,
Echoing through the world with a haunting resound,
Your cold hand reaches into me,
Ripping my hidden heart right out of my body,
Bringing it to the surface for all to look upon,
Feeling as helpless as a newborn fawn,
Darting looks from across the room,
Left feeling trapped in a tomb,
Missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
Wanting to run from life,
Feeling its gaze stab into me like a knife,
I hate feeling so vulnerable,
At this openness that is almost unbearable,
Wishing for you just to tell me,
What you want this situation to turn out to be,
So just open your mouth,
Let it out,
And tell me

Life

I wrote this one today. I like it and the meaning in it is important to me. I am one of those people who thinks you should grab life by the horns and just ride it wherever it may take you. Love you guys, hope you listen. ;)

I just want to live life,
Not just endure it,
Life is the rhythm in the rain,
The happiness outlining the pain,
Life is the lingering smile on your face,
And finding love in an unsuspected place,
Learning the place you fit,
And standing up hit after hit,
Life is learning to put down the anger when it raises it's ugly head,
And lifting the hearts that feel like sullen lead,
When a voice whispers you can't do it,
Don't you dare lose it,
You are stronger than you know,
You've just got to let it show,
Shine your sun to warm the world,
Show your soul, let it become unfurled,
I may be shy to your face,
But I have to let it all out on this page,
I know you will never understand  my passion,
It is built into me like a magazine's fashion,
Burning within me like the unstoppable sun,
Life is meant to be fun,
I want to scream it as loud as I can,
Hear it sung by my favorite band,
And most of all I want to see it written on your face,
For that is its true place,
I want to live life,
Not just endure it

The Price of Truth

I wrote this today because I have a friend struggling to see through the clouds of life's trials. He is someone I've given up on liking and am now just contenting myself with being friends. Besides, my fancy has been caught by someone spectacular. (I have never thought I would think of this person in such a way, but it is true now.) My friend Miranda came up with the name. Thanks babe. ;)

 

 

 

I want to hold you,
 let you know it is all going to be okay,
but then I know,
I will forever be left waiting in anticipation for that day,
For something will always go wrong,
But that is the way of life,
The reason we work so hard to push through the throng,
To make it to the top,
I know something will always go wrong,
And that is a fact that will never stop,
But we can make the best of it,
Learn from our mistakes,
Life is a ball of wire,
Some spools being made of blades,
Others of the winding messes of our hearts desires,
I wish I could tell you,
Just how much I wish that weren't true,
Just how much that really means to me,
And just how much a fee,
It is to love you,
And know that you could never feel the same way about me,
I am a stone compared you your brilliant diamond,
I am a seed compared to your twisting tree,
I know you will not ever understand,
The way you make me feel,
But we're not made from the same brand,
Like Coke and Pepsi,
You will never know just how much you mean to me,
So with life's injustices flung in your face,
You may become bitter from it's rank taste,
But at least now you know the truth.

Different View

I made my choice,
you've made yours.
Why is it still here haunting me?
Why can't I just go to sleep?
When I'm with him I'm still thinking of you,
You're the thought in the back of my mind,
Twisting my insides,
If you were to come back you'd find,
That I am not the same girl you loved,
I am the one who broke your heart,
The one who you tore apart,
Silent as a giraffe,
I'm stuck following my own path,
Waiting and hoping for you to come to me,
To tell me what is done is done,
And it is all just history,
I want you to hurt me so much I can't breathe,
So I can have a reason to let you walk away from me,
No matter how hard and fast I run,
You always end up catching up,
Always there melting my insides,
Time to find a mop,
I'm sick of trying to hide,
Behind all that is going on deep within,
Eyes of steel,
Heart of stone,
I'm left sinking,
In this dark gloom all alone,
Knowing you never cared,
Knowing your not going to be there,
To listen to my painful moan,
I'm suffering from your absence,
Left in the dark with no light switch in sight,
Knocking me off balance,
Left with no air in my lungs,
Like a hit and run,
When I'm thinking of you I can't stop shaking,
Looking at the phone debating,
What I should do,
What I should say,
Then I remember that you chose this,
You ran so far away,
Now I'm deaf from silence,
Now I'm blind from the sullen dark,
Contemplating violence,
To just end it all,
And be rid of you,
To watch you fall,
In my heart I know you knew,
That I gave my self over to the only one I loved,
And that only one was you,
Drowning in tears,
Shaking in fear,
That I'll see your face on the street,
Like a person playing ghost under a white sheet,
For now I'm left broken,
Waiting for one who will help me to again feel emotion,
I will love you always,
I'm left here heartless because I gave it to you,
Left here seeing the world sideways,
And seeing it all with a different view

Get it

I think I will have to come back and work on this one, but I was really angry and hurt when I wrote it last week. Tell me what you think and what I should fix. Love you peoples. <3

Don't judge me by my tears,

You've got no idea why I cry them,

No idea what I feel,

No idea what haunts me in my deepest fears,

Behind these hazel eyes there is a whole new world,

A whole new place to be explored,

Yet even Columbus could not find its foaming shores,

You may call me weak,

You may call me emotional, trivial, and dumb,

But wait til I get on my feet,

I'll punch you so hard I'll break my thumb,

You'll learn quick to just shut your mouth,

To just let me cry,

Because frankly, you're just another shell,

Unable to understand nor feel my pain,

Though you may try to in vain,

So with a smear of pain, 

And a swallow of hurt,

I'll show you the recipe for me,

So you may know all that goes in,

To being a woman, a girl, and a lady,

So don't ask me what is wrong,

Don't ask me how to fix it,

Cause in the end,

You still won't get it.