What it is

It's about laughing when nothing funny happened.
It is about pretending to be superman,
It is about flying through the air until you hit the ground,
It is about never letting a rude comment get you down,
It is about smiling until you can't feel your face,
It is about making your own place,
It is about not giving up when you are down to tears,
It is about laughing in the face of your fears,
It is about not letting him tell you a lie,
It is about standing your ground even if you die,
It is about smiling in the dark,
It is about accepting imperfection's mark,
No one can tell you who you are,
No one can leave you with a scar,
Just stand up and sing,
Listen to those gold church bells ring,
You are alive,
So why not live life?
It is about not caring to fit in with the crowd,
It is about dancing and not caring who is around,
It is about being the person you were meant to be,
It is about him loving me for no reason but that I am me,
It is about dancing in the white winter rain,
It is about singing out all the shards until there is no more pain,
It is about running without shoes,
It is about learning about someone you never knew,
Forgetting to smile is forgetting to breathe,
Without happiness you are not being who you were meant to be,
Never surrender your heart to the demons,
Don't let them drag you down to their dank prisons,
It is about learning the rhythm of love,
It is about loving your father above,
It is about rolling in the dirt,
It is about being strong enough not to get lost in the hurt,
It is about smiling when you have no teeth,
It is about forgetting another's mean streak,
Forgive and forget,
Protect someone else from becoming the next target,
Stand up for what is right,
Even if it means you have to fight,
Don't forget what it is about,
Because today is the day to sing and shout,
And bask in the light of today,
Yet do not forget what they say,
Live life to its fullest,
We are all an undercover artist,
The only difference is that some of us don't forget it.

Strong

Watching the stars fall,
As if heaven was crying glitter,
No longer able to stand so tall,
Feeling like a quitter,
Smelling the flooding rains,
Watching the world turn to zombies,
Walking around without minds,
Thinking they can take me,
Feeling sand between my toes,
Watching the birds fly,
Losing all my hopes,
Falling from the blue sky,
Laughing off her glare,
Putting on a show,
Wanting to turn into a wild mare,
Hating that they don't know,
Yet unable to tell,
All my mysteries,
And how I fell,
Unable to relay my history,
Tasting defeat,
Losing the game,
It seeps with bitter-sweet,
But so does all pain,
He may not get it,
He may not understand,
But he need not know every little bit,
The world has turned bland,
The sun is rising,
It is the perfect time of day,
Everyone is still sleeping,
And it feels like May,
I guess for now I will stay down,
I won't stay that way for long,
I will end up getting the last touchdown,

Because under all this emotion I am strong.

Let it out

Shake your thang,
 Talk so loud you start to scream,
 Run so fast you can't be caught,
 Laugh so hard you feel you'll pop,
Just let it all out,
No matter if you have any doubt,
Sing so loud you can't breathe,
Dance so long you can't feel your teeth,
Just do what it takes,
To make you feel okay,
And embrace life's new way,
And learn from this new day,
Because no matter what it is,
Your problem is also His,
And He can fix it,
Every little bit,
You have the right to smile,
Feel like you own the world for a little while,
You can be anyone you want,
No matter brunette or blonde,
Don't keep it all inside,
We don't want the real you to hide,
Let it all out,
Even if that means you shout,
We just want you happy,
Because of how much you mean to me,
You are special,
Some would even say you're an angel,
So stop feeling so sad,
And the world will be less bad

Chasing me

Smiling and blinking at me,
Not knowing what this is supposed to be,
Yet you're still chasing me,
But for that you'll have to pay a fee,
I don't give my love so willingly,
I am a cruel captor,  yes,
But it is good for keeping my heart from making a mess,
I laugh as you try to pass my tests,
You fail even though you try your best,
Like drowning while digging for a treasure chest,
I am running as far as I can go,
I am not someone you will ever truly know,
Like an arrow leaving your bow,
Lost in the white of winter snow,
Speaking is something I barely allow,
I'm running,
Laughing that your trying,
Trying so hard to stay on beat with me although your heart is thundering,
You can't keep your charade from burning and crashing,
You're the dark and I'm the sun rays of the morning,
I will be the end of you,
Can't you see we will never be the perfect two?
You act like getting to know me is a big interview,
Really all I want is to know you for you,
I hate to see you so blind to the truth,
But you are not right for me,
Like trying to go back in history,
And write the end for a novelist's mystery,
You can't change the past's story,
If you want my love you'll have to find the key,
To the lock on my heart,
Some say I am too tart,
They say I'm too harsh,
But they don't understand me right from the start,
They watch you falling apart,
I can't give you my trust,
Because then I'd have to adjust,
Clean out my wounds and clear the dust,
That's something I want to avoid at all cost,
But to love you it is a must,
It is like watching a bird fly but never sing,
Like a bee unable to sting,
Why do you wish to be my king?
When you can have anything,
The world or the largest bling,
It is unnatural for you to fall so hard,
I may have a heart so strongly bard,
And always be on my guard,
But you get back up as if unmarred,
But you got burnt by the fire and now you're charred,
Wounded by my defenses,
But again you charge blind by the consequences,
So willing to pay any expense,
Do you really want a girl who's not dense,
Who is surrounded by a barbed fence?
I don't understand you,
But you've finally intrigued me, something so hard to do,
You're one of the few,
Making me want to know who,
Is  behind those eyes like morning dew,
One thing is for sure,
Baby, you've got nerve,
And for now I'm willing to take a chance,
And have patience,
To let myself love you,
Which is something I almost never allow myself to do

Always in your sight

I send a message to you,
By way of balloon,
Telling you of all my thoughts that brew,
Like a baby's first coo,
Writing out my heart and soul,
Fearing it is black as coal,
Nothing that could fill this hole,
Nothing to make me again whole,
Hoping you'll hear what I have to say,
Trying to keep the darkness at bay,
Seeing it creep the light from the day,
Hoping you'll come back to stay,
No coming back from death,
No way to restore your breath,
No way to bring you back to your path,
Hating how you left,
The earth has taken your body,
Now your living in a world without me,
Probably oh so happy,
Laughing without worry,
I miss you,
I just wanted to ask you if it's true,
That the truth is something you never knew,
You never knew that I love you,
Yes we may have fought,
But why didn't you remember all the things Jesus taught?
Now the words in my throat get caught,
Was I really that big of a snot?
I know you miss me,
I know you've finally found life's key,
And it is such a pity,
That in life that is something you couldn't see,
Oh I miss you Jewel,
I know that life may sometimes be cruel,
But you acted like a fool,
You and life had a dual,
And you let him win,
And he drowned you in sin,
Making you forget to turn to your kin,
Ending your life before it could begin,
I miss hearing your music,
I miss healing you when you were sick,
I felt my heart rip,
As I watched your blood drip,
The world died that day,
Sending us into disarray,
Making me lose what to say,
Now it is your body down we lay,
Watching you lowered into your grave,
Having to be brave,
Yet swallowed by the wave,
Left in the darkness of the cave,
Searching through the night,
Trying to see the light,
Yet it is nowhere in sight,
Seeping into me with fright,
Then I see the lightning flash,
Like fire it slash,
I hear the thunder crash,
As the world turns to ash,
Then I smell the summer air,
I see your golden hair,
Feel you strong as a bear,
And I know your here,
Even though I can't see you,
I know it is true,
And the world turns bright and new,
As I remember all that we used to do,
I feel you so near,
Wishing for your face to appear,
You whisper in my ear,
And I freeze like a deer,
You say it will all be alright,
That you forgive me our fights,
And that you've been taken into the light,
And I'm always in your sight

My Insides

My silence cuts the air like a blade,
I watch your smile fade,
As you take my hand and tell me the sweetest lie,
You tell me it will all be fine,
That I will survive this form of hurt, this torture,
Well you're wrong sir,
I am already dead, it killed me within,
You catch my chin,
As I drop it to hide from those eyes,
I can't talk with the fear I'll cry,
You tell me to speak my mind,
I laugh as I think you're too kind,
You have no idea what you're getting into,
I laugh at all the things I wish you knew,
A tear slides down my face,
And I finally admit I'm not okay,
I tell you why I hide,
Show you the clouds and wounds of my insides,
I open up to you,
With no idea of how you'll react or what you'll do,
It is so scary to let you see,
See the dead girl inside of me,
You don't get why she died,
Out of me you slip the information that is most classified,
Like a secret agent sent to fix the pain,
I laugh at the idea of how you'd be trained,
I may not be on my exterior,
But I'm crying, though it is better to have you here,
I am still not sure it was smart to let you see,
All the damage that was done to me,
For now you know I'm a broken stone,
With too many cracks and costing too much for anyone to care to own,
I'm no shining red ruby,
I'm no sparkling beauty,
I am covered in the ashes of my burned dreams,
Caring no longer what that means for me,
You get distant,
And a pain in my ribs grows from your absence,
I beg you to think of all my scars,
Before you wander off too far,
For they have made me weak with agony,
And your leaving would shatter my scant sanity,
I hate you for making me want to pull you in so closely,
But I can't help wondering if you too get lonely,
For now you are a friend,
Nothing more, nothing less when it comes to the end,
But I hope one day you will be more,
Because you've seen my heart and all the blood it pores,
You know my grief, agony, and insanity,
You know what is lost to all but me,
And I don't blame you for not wanting a broken girl,
I'm a clam not your shining pearl,
The one I know every guy is looking for,
The girl who will keep you from walking out the door,
But I enjoy your company,
Even in the depths of misery,
So thank you,
You helped more than you ever knew

The tax of words unspoken

I'm empty and open,
I'm closed and broken,
I don't want you to see my cracks,
Yet I want to scream when you turn your back,
I want to be hidden,
Yet I don't wish to be forgotten,
I hate it when you don't listen for what I have left unspoken,
Yet I know without words you'll never know what's broken,
If I can't get it out I'll die,
Yet I can't even bring myself to cry,
These words are my diary,
And I know they will be the end of my weak mortality,
Yet I'm not sure I want them to be apart of my history,
Even though like a river, they flow from me,
I can't say this to your face,
So I write it here in this place,
Hoping that one day you'll see it,
At the same time wishing to keep them a secret,
I can't show you my heart,
Yet I can let you see my art,
And is that not the same?
For that is the same place where from which they all came,
Shooting from my soul,
And every time they go unspoken they take their toll,
I want to scream but can't find my voice,
I want to tell you but can't make the choice,
I know without words you won't understand,
Oh how I hate the ignorance of man,
I'm so frustrated,
I feel like I'm going to explode with the way they've accumulated,
Building up like a bomb within,
Screaming out into the world's large din,
If you listen close you can hear my eyes,
They'll tell you of my mouth's smooth lies,
My tongue won't tell you of my pain,
But it can't handle silence's strain,
Stop asking questions that I have to lie to,
And finally let my eyes show you the glowing truth,
You caught on to a few facts,
But that gift came with a tax,
I don't want to trust you,
I don't want to show you all that the world never knew,
It is like a hidden treasure in the bay,
Cursed to keep it in the place it lay,
Now you're hunting to find it,
And I'm screaming for you to quit,
Yet a voice from within tells me to let you know,
To let my face play out the show,
And finally move my still tongue,
Tell you the things I feel that should cause me to be hung,
I want you to know of my guilt,
But I might as well hand you a sword by the hilt,
For surly it would slay me,
To give you the chance to betray me,
So for now I'll stay silent,
And hope this agony within does not become more violent,
For surly even if I did speak, you could not understand,
For you are nothing but a mere man,
Unable to comprehend the complexity that is the woman,
But maybe, just maybe, with my help you can

My thunderstorm

Your eyes are stars,
Your heart is far as Mars,
Your smile is there but easily hidden,
Your hands are silken linen,
You can do anything,
You can own the world, you could own everything,
You could take to the sky,
Spread your wings and fly,
Yet here you are still on the ground,
You wish you would never touch back down,
Your eyes are a colorless shade,
My faith in you will never fade,
My knowledge of your heart would surprise you,
It's full and beating to drum so new,
I know everything there is to know about your soul,
You think the world is cold,
Yet you walk in its heat, oh so warm,
Your perseverance is as strong as a thunderstorm,
Rattling in our bones, 
Making its self known,
You're the master of this game,
Yet your master is pain,
How could you let it take you down?
Why would you let it be your master, the one to wear the crown?
You're the pioneer crossing the planes,
You're the engineer laying tracks for the trains,
Stronger than hurt,
Although your face may be marred with sweat and dirt,
You shine with vigor and vitality,
Fighting for what you want with lethality,
You are solid iron and steel,
Yet I wish I could help you to heal,
You don't see your beauty,
So what if you're heart is heavy?
You sparkle without any light,
You breathe that spark into everyone's life,
Making the world a brighter place,
This is why you're the one I chase

Without a sun

I walk watching my shadow stand tall,
Feeling so inferior,
Feeling oh so small,
I dry the tears,
But I'm swallowed by my deepest fears,
Struggling to stay on top,
Drowning in all my failure,
I want to scream,
Just to let it out,
I can't handle my own impression of me,
Wanting to be someone else,
Like trying to fill in someone's big shoes,
Wanting to stand strong,
When I know I'm just stupid and weak,
Wanting to run but having no feet,
Lost in my failure,
I know I can't be who I want to be,
Want to be what I'm not,
Feeling useless like the moon during the day,
Feeling worthless like salt in the sea,
Feeling so mute,
No one can hear me,
Crying my soul,
Shaking my bones,
Misery sets in and I try to run,
Feeling cut down like a blade of grass,
Wanting to rise above what I feel,
But knowing it will follow me wherever I go,
Missing part of me,
Missing all that I used to be,
Wondering where my strength went,
Wanting innocence,
Wanting sweet ignorance,
Wanting the sun when all i have is the moon,
Wanting gold but left with stone,
Wanting to touch the clouds,
But having no way to reach them,
Wanting to feel complete,
But having yet to find him,
Hating emotion,
Walking to the stars,
Running so far,
Hating who I am,
Longing for who I am to become,
Lost in life,
So very far from death,
Tasting sweat,
Feeling blood,
Cold and hot,
Stone and sponge,
Lost to be never found,
Listening for any sound,
Looking for the slightest light,
Feeling so alone,
Who am I?
Who was I?
Who am I to become?
I'm a mystery with no end,
A puzzle without pieces,
A storm without rain,
Walking this Earth with no path,
Wandering with no destination,
Nor direction or motivation,
Screaming to no ears,
Listening to no voice,
I have become lost to this world,
So it is on to the next

Writer's block

I wrote this when in the clutches of the dreaded writer's block. I like it. I think it is sort of nice to have different...material to write about. Love is starting to get old, but so is pain and anguish. Not sure what I'm going to write about from now on but I really want a change of genera.   Ideas?? HELP ME OUT!!! Please post a comment on this and give me some inspiration. Love you!!

I can't seem to find any inspiration,
Seems like I'm close to designation,
Wanting so desperately,
For the world to see,
That I am a writer that will soon be known,
A girl whose heart has flown,
Soaring through the gray fluffy clouds,
Wanting my words to flow through the world's crowds,
Yet I'm stuck in a bucket of writer's block,
Glaring as time ticks away on the clock,
Listening to my own heart beat,
Feeling the sun's glistening heat,
The silence is going to drive me crazy,
Suddenly the room starts to get hazy,
And I sink through the boards,
Appearing in a bundle of cords,
A dragon of electronics swallowing the world,
Suddenly in the distance there is a girl,
She's floating in the air,
Skinny as a stick, yet strong as a bear,
She is here to save the day,
For the dragon has the world in dismay,
She swoops in and shatters its glass eye,
The crowd holds their breath as they watch her fly,
Hoping with all their hearts she will win,
This mysterious heroin,
Then I wake up to my empty room,
Sighing through the hazy gloom,
Grabbing my pen and paper,
And suddenly everyone will know the name of that superhero's creator