Feel this way

 This is my first free verse. I am not going to talk about it, don't ask questions. Tell me what you think.

So much pressure,
Feeling crushed like a can,
I can't take the hit,
Can't even take the wind,
I feel like I'm falling apart,
Losing my momentum,
Not staying on track,
Not keeping my eye on the ball,

You see right through my defenses,
See that I have a heart,
See that I have a soul,
Not sure if this is a good thing,
Not sure I want it all to be seen
I'm running from you with all I've got,
Noticing you doesn't make it easier,
Doesn't make me want to concede

I may be stubborn,
I may be a pain in the neck,
But for some reason you want to stay,
Want to let me feel this way,
I don't understand it,
And I doubt I ever will,
Not that I care,
But you look at me with those beautiful blue eyes,
Making me melt from within

Listening to the sound of your heart beneath my ear,
Feeling like I could stay here,
I don't want to give up,
To let you know you've caught me,
But i fear that i must tell the truth,
Which is something i can't seem to do,
Not even admit it to myself,
I hate wanting to feel your warmth,
And knowing that you've won

I hate losing the battle,
I hate being the one to cave,
I hate feeling all this emotion,
I hate knowing I want to be more than friends,
I hate following all the stupid world's trends,
I hate being the girl they all fear,
I hate knowing that I'll lose that title,
I hate getting knocked off beat,
I hate loving you

Dancing through the air,
Hearing the wind whip through my hair,
Knowing you're two strides behind,
Refusing to lose the race,
Refusing to back down,
Laughing at the feel of your hands,
Laughing at the feel of your breath in my ear,
Missing you when you're not there,
Loving my time alone

I love the sound of your voice,
I love the feel of the sidewalk at my back,
I love giggling as your voice cracks,
I love the vibrating of your chest,
I love the swallowing of my words,
I love the annoying banter,
I love the feeling of hating loving this,
I love it when you miss a step, miss a beat,
I love making your eyes light up with a smile

I am not one to be chased,
I am not one to be worth the worry,
I am not one to be sought after,
I am not one to forget your laughter,
I am not one to be lost in those eyes,
I am not one to let you see what and who I am,
I am not one to be forgotten,
I am not one to be stopped,
I am not one to be given up on so easily

You make me want to run,
You make me want to sing,
You make me want to show the world all of me,
You make me want to hide from their prying eyes,
You make me want to take on the world,
You make me want to march to your drum,
You make me feel somehow intelligently dumb,
You make me want to scream with anger,
You make me want to laugh with joy

Simplicity of what used to be

It's just a dream,
I'm not even sure what it means,
But every time I close my eyes I see you with me,
The way I wish it to be,
I know by the way you're so cold it will never happen,
I'll always be left waitin,
For the day I catch your eye,
Somehow you make me shy,
Make me blush,
It may be just a stupid crush,
But I want to know your emotion,
These feeling crash through me like an ocean,
I'm missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
I just want you to confirm how you feel,
But your eyes are cold hard steel,
That look you give me makes no sense,
It hardly gives me any confidence,
The moon looks down on me,
I know I'll never be as pretty as she,
But she tells me I'm not alone,
Not the only girl holding back a moan,
Wanting to escape from this misery,
Wanting to confirm you'll never love me,
You walk away without looking back,
I hear my heart crack,
Pain shooting through my veins,
Driving me insane,
Hurting like my soul has burst into fire,
Feeling my insides turn to barbed wire,
Wanting to scream but finding no voice,
Walking this path, having no choice,
I thought you could save me from myself,
Thought you'd be good for my health,
You told me you wanted to know the real me,
But that remark stung like the venom of a bee,
You told me you wanted to be my friend,
But I have so much to amend,
I don't feel worthy to talk to you,
Drowning in the world like you know I do,
Missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
I'm shaking with your knowledge of the truth,
Wondering how you'll react and what you'll do,
Feet hitting the ground,
Echoing through the world with a haunting resound,
Your cold hand reaches into me,
Ripping my hidden heart right out of my body,
Bringing it to the surface for all to look upon,
Feeling as helpless as a newborn fawn,
Darting looks from across the room,
Left feeling trapped in a tomb,
Missing the simplicity,
Of all that used to be,
Wanting to run from life,
Feeling its gaze stab into me like a knife,
I hate feeling so vulnerable,
At this openness that is almost unbearable,
Wishing for you just to tell me,
What you want this situation to turn out to be,
So just open your mouth,
Let it out,
And tell me

Life

I wrote this one today. I like it and the meaning in it is important to me. I am one of those people who thinks you should grab life by the horns and just ride it wherever it may take you. Love you guys, hope you listen. ;)

I just want to live life,
Not just endure it,
Life is the rhythm in the rain,
The happiness outlining the pain,
Life is the lingering smile on your face,
And finding love in an unsuspected place,
Learning the place you fit,
And standing up hit after hit,
Life is learning to put down the anger when it raises it's ugly head,
And lifting the hearts that feel like sullen lead,
When a voice whispers you can't do it,
Don't you dare lose it,
You are stronger than you know,
You've just got to let it show,
Shine your sun to warm the world,
Show your soul, let it become unfurled,
I may be shy to your face,
But I have to let it all out on this page,
I know you will never understand  my passion,
It is built into me like a magazine's fashion,
Burning within me like the unstoppable sun,
Life is meant to be fun,
I want to scream it as loud as I can,
Hear it sung by my favorite band,
And most of all I want to see it written on your face,
For that is its true place,
I want to live life,
Not just endure it

The Price of Truth

I wrote this today because I have a friend struggling to see through the clouds of life's trials. He is someone I've given up on liking and am now just contenting myself with being friends. Besides, my fancy has been caught by someone spectacular. (I have never thought I would think of this person in such a way, but it is true now.) My friend Miranda came up with the name. Thanks babe. ;)

 

 

 

I want to hold you,
 let you know it is all going to be okay,
but then I know,
I will forever be left waiting in anticipation for that day,
For something will always go wrong,
But that is the way of life,
The reason we work so hard to push through the throng,
To make it to the top,
I know something will always go wrong,
And that is a fact that will never stop,
But we can make the best of it,
Learn from our mistakes,
Life is a ball of wire,
Some spools being made of blades,
Others of the winding messes of our hearts desires,
I wish I could tell you,
Just how much I wish that weren't true,
Just how much that really means to me,
And just how much a fee,
It is to love you,
And know that you could never feel the same way about me,
I am a stone compared you your brilliant diamond,
I am a seed compared to your twisting tree,
I know you will not ever understand,
The way you make me feel,
But we're not made from the same brand,
Like Coke and Pepsi,
You will never know just how much you mean to me,
So with life's injustices flung in your face,
You may become bitter from it's rank taste,
But at least now you know the truth.

Different View

I made my choice,
you've made yours.
Why is it still here haunting me?
Why can't I just go to sleep?
When I'm with him I'm still thinking of you,
You're the thought in the back of my mind,
Twisting my insides,
If you were to come back you'd find,
That I am not the same girl you loved,
I am the one who broke your heart,
The one who you tore apart,
Silent as a giraffe,
I'm stuck following my own path,
Waiting and hoping for you to come to me,
To tell me what is done is done,
And it is all just history,
I want you to hurt me so much I can't breathe,
So I can have a reason to let you walk away from me,
No matter how hard and fast I run,
You always end up catching up,
Always there melting my insides,
Time to find a mop,
I'm sick of trying to hide,
Behind all that is going on deep within,
Eyes of steel,
Heart of stone,
I'm left sinking,
In this dark gloom all alone,
Knowing you never cared,
Knowing your not going to be there,
To listen to my painful moan,
I'm suffering from your absence,
Left in the dark with no light switch in sight,
Knocking me off balance,
Left with no air in my lungs,
Like a hit and run,
When I'm thinking of you I can't stop shaking,
Looking at the phone debating,
What I should do,
What I should say,
Then I remember that you chose this,
You ran so far away,
Now I'm deaf from silence,
Now I'm blind from the sullen dark,
Contemplating violence,
To just end it all,
And be rid of you,
To watch you fall,
In my heart I know you knew,
That I gave my self over to the only one I loved,
And that only one was you,
Drowning in tears,
Shaking in fear,
That I'll see your face on the street,
Like a person playing ghost under a white sheet,
For now I'm left broken,
Waiting for one who will help me to again feel emotion,
I will love you always,
I'm left here heartless because I gave it to you,
Left here seeing the world sideways,
And seeing it all with a different view

Get it

I think I will have to come back and work on this one, but I was really angry and hurt when I wrote it last week. Tell me what you think and what I should fix. Love you peoples. <3

Don't judge me by my tears,

You've got no idea why I cry them,

No idea what I feel,

No idea what haunts me in my deepest fears,

Behind these hazel eyes there is a whole new world,

A whole new place to be explored,

Yet even Columbus could not find its foaming shores,

You may call me weak,

You may call me emotional, trivial, and dumb,

But wait til I get on my feet,

I'll punch you so hard I'll break my thumb,

You'll learn quick to just shut your mouth,

To just let me cry,

Because frankly, you're just another shell,

Unable to understand nor feel my pain,

Though you may try to in vain,

So with a smear of pain, 

And a swallow of hurt,

I'll show you the recipe for me,

So you may know all that goes in,

To being a woman, a girl, and a lady,

So don't ask me what is wrong,

Don't ask me how to fix it,

Cause in the end,

You still won't get it.

Declaring victory

I have been working on this one for a while, and I think it's still a work in progress. Let me know what you think, what it needs, and what is wrong with the flow. I think this one has really good potential, it just needs to flow. (It has to flow.) Love you peoples, let me know. ;)

Through blood and tears,
Through it all,

You rise above the battle,
tasting sweet victory,
watching your enemies fall,
Drenched in their tainted blood,
You become the power behind their fears,
You shriek out your battle call,
Covered in soot and mud,
Shaking with no mercy,
They clammier to their knees to attempt to crawl,
You raise your sword to strike,
Putting an end to their life,
Your victory helps you to stand tall,
No pride in what you have done,
Like a bullet released from the chamber of a gun,
You're meant to kill,
You've learned not to feel,
Blood covers you like a crimson shall,
Your glistening armor dulled to gray,
Screaming and running through the thick of the war,
Your demand echos through the stone walls,
Demanding to be heard,
Demanding to be known and not ignored,
You stand tall,
Letting them know all you stand for,
Not giving up or giving in,
You thunder down the enemy's hall,
Plundering the castle,
You see eyes covered in the haze of death,
It is only a reminder to you that you must not fall,
Nothing short of the extent of your strength will in this battle,
Nothing short of all your heart,
And all your soul,
Knowing if you fail we will lose it all,
You see your fellow soldier,
He's declaring victory,
Screaming in the glory of their defeat,
It is not over yet,
You've climbed too high up the ladder,
To fall would mean a quick death,
You find your horse screaming in her stall,
The moans of those fallen all around you cause your heart to shatter,
Riding tall on your stead,
You lop off the heads of all who confront you,
They roll and bounce as if they're nothing more than a gory ball,
You ride from the painful scene,
Yet it seems to follow like a pack of hungry wolves,
Hunting and haunting you,
I do not envy the things I know you had to do,
You fought for the right,
Vanquishing the wrong,
And for that I will be forever thankful,
You are the reason I've found pride in the lands,
Now I'm holding you lifeless in my hands,
Tears streaming,
Blood flowing,
I know you said things you didn't mean,
The pain in my heart is as steady as a stream,
Flooding and gurgling through me,
I stand like a bear and begin to maul,
Not even registering their screaming,
You were my lifeblood, now I fear all is lost,
We will continue to let this war rage,
And it is in your name,
I will claim our victory,
And demand their surrendering defeat

I'm sorry

 I wrote this today. Not sure what to think of it. I sorta like it, but at the same time is it lame. Let me know. =)


I spilled your blood,
Left you to drown in it,
Now your tears are sweeping the world into a flood,
Not enough space in the world for your pain to fit,
You should have known by now,
I am too free to let you fly with me,
You already know the why but not the how,
This heart can't be unlocked without a key,
Now your bleeding heart is coming back from the dead,
All the shattered pieces sharp as glass,
There's a few things I wish I had said,
But I had to runaway so fast,
Now you're falling through the cracks,
Trying to dig your way out of that hole,
Just trying to find your way back,
But my harshness is taking its tole,
I feel sorry for the pain I seem to cause,
I just wanted to let it be known,
That we all have our flaws,
And I was too coarse on the phone,
I know that these are not the three words you wanted to hear,
But I am sorry,
You are too sweet to dare shed a tear,
I am not worth your worry,
One day you'll find that girl,
The one who takes away your breath,
She'll become your whole world,
The one you'll love long after death,
So just let me go,
So I may find the one for me,
When you meet her I can assure you you'll know,
I think this is the way it has always been meant to be.

Broken

 Wrote this about a huge trouble in my life, but it was all for the best. You can ask questions this time, but just this time. ;)

I'm broken,

Listening to your tears fall like gems to the floor,

It was not my intent to hurt you,

I'm shaken,

Wishing I could get rid of this pain filling me to the core,

I wish there was a way to tell you what I say is not true,

I'm sick of knowing all too well this pain,

I hate feeling like a monster unleashed,

You don't know what is going on in my insides,

Am I doing this all in vein?

All I wanted was for you to be released,

Your warmth in my heart still resides,

I only had you in my heart,

But I had to let you slip through my hands,

And set you free,

The taste lingering in my mouth is so tart,

I never wanted to let you go due to the world's demands,

I just hope you'll learn not to hate me,

I will love you all my life my sweet Corey,

I know you may think differently,

I only wish you one thing from this whole mess,

I wish that your future will become swallowed by happiness,

You were my world,

But it is time for that all to unfurl,

I send to you all my love,

And pray you'll listen to the guidance from above.

Imperfection

I got this idea from a conversation I had with a friend. I got him to see that he has worth even if it is in imperfection. I love you blond boy, don't you dare forget it. =)

Its happening again,

I'm bleeding in my own misery,

Feeling like I fail,

Lost in imperfection,

The world is asking so much of me,

Feeling like I'm chasing my own tail,

I try to power through the pain,

Get myself back home,

Welcoming your embrace,

My weaknesses are driving me insane,

Lost out in this dark, drowning all alone,

Feeling seen through like a Vail of lace,

Knowing their waiting for my fall,

Listening for my heart to be breaking,

Watching for a fault in my steel,

Wanting me to lose it all,

Wanting my title to be forsaking,

Life is a land so unreal,

A smile hidden behind lipgloss,

A love story with a sad end,

No one caring how I feel,

Watching me bearing my cross,

Waiting for my life to impend,

I can take it all,

Smile as they watch for me to fall,

Knowing they can't take the heat,

They're not worthy to even kiss my feat,

This is the story of my imperfection,

The story of how I'm walking in a new direction,

No one else can catch me,

I am the distant open sea,

I love being who I am,

Not caring what I am to them,

I will win in the end,

My strength to them I will not lend,

They won't see the fall they so desperately want,

It is their dreams I haunt,

They only want to see me fail,

So they will have an excuse to do the same,

This is the end of my tale.

Because it is the fact that I cannot be tame,

They may hate me,

But I leave them to drown in their own self hating misery,

I am me,

They are them,

And this is the end